Only In Our Nightmares
by LadyWallace
Summary: After a terrible hunting accident, the Durins are stranded in the woods, one wounded badly and the others suffering through their own inner demons because of it. Will the family be able to repair their mistakes? Hurt!Fili and lots of Durin Family angst/feels
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is a new story that just kind of popped into my head last weekend and wouldn't stop coming. It's another angsty one, but I hope you all enjoy it. This is set pre Hobbit when Fili and Kili are teenagers. I still don't know whether I got the dwarf age ratio right, but Kili's about 15 and Fili is 20 in human years. **

**Rating: **T for violence and Angst and Durin family feels. Hurt!Fili, Kili suffering from self blame and Thorin having normal Thorin issues.

**Synopsis: **After_ a terrible hunting accident, the Durins are stranded in the woods, one wounded badly and the others suffering through their own inner demons because of it. Will the family be able to repair their mistakes?_

Chapter One

It was only supposed to have been a few days hunting trip with the boys. Thorin had never meant it to be the disaster it turned into; but then, no one ever really did when things turned to hell and you were only left with the things that were only supposed to be witnessed in your worst nightmares.

It had started off well enough. He had proposed the idea to Dis and she thought it was a wonderful one. The boys had been restless of late; Kili had just celebrated his 30th birthday and he felt all grown up and because of it, he was more and more determined to prove his manhood—unfortunately the way he did it was by becoming even more rambunctious and driving Dis to call in her brother to help straighten him out once it appeared that daily training exercises wouldn't make the difference.

"I'll take them out into the mountains for a week," Thorin told her when she'd come to him at her wit's end. "A few days roughing it in the autumn weather will hopefully beat a little of Kili's energy out. It just comes with the cooling weather. We were no better when we were their age."

She smiled. "That sounds wonderful, Thorin, thank you. You know I love my boys, but they can get so trying sometimes. It would be a good opportunity for you to teach them survival skills. They haven't had enough of that apart from the few camping trips you and Dwalin have taken them on."

Thorin was always eager to spend time with the boys, having to act as both father and uncle to them, and he saw this opportunity for what it was—a good way to bond with them, especially Kili, in their more troublesome years. Not that the boys had been bad, just restless and Kili, being a bit reckless, and hasty as he was, could sometimes come across as a bit cocky and rude, even if he didn't mean to. Thorin didn't take it to heart, but he made sure he kept Kili in his place as well, for it would never do to let such habits go uncorrected. He knew a few days in the woods could work wonders. His own father had done it enough times with him and Frerin to prove the method affective.

So they set off with much excitement the day after and Thorin felt a sudden happiness and liberation enter him as they left the town behind. He too would enjoy the break from work. It would just be him and his nephews, teaching them fatherly things. He always cherished the moments he had alone with them which made it feel like they could be his own boys.

The first couple days went well. They hiked through the mountains, happy, singing, and chatting as Thorin taught them things about surviving in the woods and told them stories of his younger years with Frerin and Dwalin and all the trouble and adventures they had had on their own trips.

The third day, it began to rain around noon and they were forced to stop and create a small lean-to to protect themselves from the weather. Unfortunately, the rain didn't let up that entire night, and the three dwarves were forced to stay there that whole time, huddled together in the dampness without being able to light a fire. But they spent the time to enjoy each other's company, even if Kili got a bit restless at times.

The next morning, they got up to see that the rain had cleared and after a quick cold breakfast, they hurriedly packed up and were on their way, Kili taking the lead at Thorin's bidding.

"This is really fun, Uncle!" he exclaimed, turning around and flashing the older dwarf a bright smile. "I'm glad you decided to do this."

"So am I," Thorin replied truthfully. "I haven't gotten a chance to spend a lot of time with you two lately, and you were driving your mother mad, so I thought I had to get you out of the house."

Fili laughed at Kili's indignant shout. He caught his brother around the neck and grinned as he rubbed his knuckles against Kili's head, making the younger scream and struggle, digging his fingers under Fili's arm to make him let go by tickling him.

"All right, boys, that's enough!" Thorin said. "We're going to hunt for supper tonight, and you won't find anything with all the noise you're making."

They quieted down with a few more jests and jabs as Thorin shook his head fondly, secretly hoping they would never change.

It was around late afternoon when it happened. They had come to a defile in the side of the mountain and were looking for a way around it. It looked too steep to climb down, but Thorin thought he remembered there being some sort of easier passageway from one side to the other without having to go around.

"Cast about up ahead," he told the boys. "I'll look to the south."

They split up and Fili took the lead as Kili looked out across the gorge before hurrying after his brother.

"See anything?" he asked, hopping from one rock to the other.

"Not yet," Fili said. "Stop doing that, it's all wet and you'll slip."

Kili stuck his tongue out at him and continued on his way. "You're such a worry wort, Fi. I'll be fine."

"Yeah, well I have to be with you as a little brother," Fili said with a grin, grapping Kili around the waist before he could jump and swinging him around to the ground again.

"Hey, I'm not a baby anymore, and I'm taller than you now!"

Fili ginned and tugged a lock of Kili's hair fondly. "Oh, and that matters so much! You know well enough that I can still win a fight with you."

"Oh yeah?" Kili challenged, dropping his pack to the ground. "Wanna prove it?"

"Gladly!" Fili said, forgetting their mission for a moment in the urge to prove his little brother wrong and put him into his place. He shrugged out of his pack and lunged at Kili as the dark haired dwarf giggled and hopped backwards to avoid his brother's hands. Fili finally caught him and they grappled for a moment before Fili dug his fingers teasingly into Kili's side to gain the upper hand and Kili jerked back with a laugh that turned into a growl.

"Not fair!" he whined.

"Oh, it's not?" Fili asked with an evil grin, advancing on his brother who was trying to keep from smiling and was backing away. "Come here, little brother, let's see who's really stronger."

He lunged and Kili leapt backward with a laugh, only to lose his footing as he tripped over a rock and slid in some mud. Fili's face turned from one of amusement to horror as he watched Kili, as if in slow motion, fight for purchase as he slid toward the edge of the gorge. He lunged forward just as Kili slid over the side with a cut off scream as he grabbed his wrist.

"Kili, hold on!" he cried breathlessly as Kili dangled against the side of the cliff, scrabbling to grab the top to help Fili pull him up.

"Fi!" he cried frantically, his childish subconscious knowing that his big brother would always get him out of any scrape he managed to get into.

"Hang on, Ki!" Fili said again, grunting as he tried to haul his brother up. He was slipping too, the ground there wet and slick and as he tried to get his feet under him to give himself more purchase, his boot skidded in the mud and with a heart-stopping movement, he found himself unable to stop his own slide over the side. He somehow managed to grab a root that seemed sturdy enough if not wet and slimy. He slammed painfully into the side of the cliff, his sword hilt smashing into his ribs. Kili had screamed again, but Fili had not let him go, his other hand still around his little brother's wrist. But he would need both hands if he was going to get them back up.

"Kili, put your arms around my waist. Can you do that?" he asked.

Kili was silent, frozen. Fili spared a glance down at him. "Kili. I need my hands, you have to."

Kili nodded finally and Fili grunted and hauled his brother up by his wrist enough for Kili to wrap first one arm and then the other after Fili had let go, around his waist, his fingers wrapping around Fili's belt for dear life.

"Good," Fili said, feeling better now that he had both hands on the root. "Now, I'm just going to pull us up. Don't move."

Fili grunted and strained, trying to haul them up, but his hands were too close together to get good leverage and Kili was a heavy burden; indeed, he actually was bigger than his big brother. He tried to find purchase for his feet against the cliff side, but it was slick and covered in mud, and he was only expending his energy by trying.

That was when the root he thought was solid started to give way with his struggling. He cried out and Kili echoed his cry, holding him so tightly, Fili could hardly breathe. He gritted his teeth as Kili's nails dug involuntarily into his stomach, his face pressed between his shoulder blades, trembling.

"Hang on, Ki," he grunted, shifting so he could hang onto the cliff instead. He braced himself and took one hand off the root, the shift making Kili whimper as he struggled to find a handhold on the cliff edge. He finally found one that seemed sound and spent a moment to relax, but he wasn't certain he could move the other. Didn't think he had enough strength left to be able to hold on with one hand. He was frozen and trembling from exhaustion and couldn't breathe with Kili's weight on him and his arms squeezing him for dear life.

"Uncle!" he cried finally, knowing he couldn't do this alone. "Uncle, help! HELP!"

"Fi," Kili's voice came so low that he almost didn't hear it. "I'm scared."

"I know, Ki," Fili said. "Just hang on, Uncle Thorin will be here soon."

"Okay," Kili whispered.

"Uncle!" Fili cried again and then with a jarring motion, he felt the root give way and he only had a split second to think of grabbing the cliff top but by that time, his other hand had already slipped and there was nothing else to do but just drop.

It seemed like time slowed. Kili screamed, but Fili didn't seem to be able to make a sound. He only thought to protect his little brother, and instantly moved so he would take the brunt of the fall. The first impact was almost instant, and drove his breath away, then he and Kili rolled, tangled together down the curved side of the defile, before coming to a jerking halt against a cropping half way down. Despite his best efforts, Kili had been thrown from his arms on first impact and Fili landed first on his back and Kili was thrown on top of him with an explosion of pain that left Fili breathless and choking. They just lay there for a few minutes, shocked and gasping, until Fili felt his instincts kick in and needed to know whether his brother was okay.

"Ki-Kili?" he gasped out, trying to move his hand up to the lump on top of him. Kili was lying on his back across Fili's chest, his head on his brother's shoulder. He groaned and stirred.

"Fi?" he croaked, shifting as he tried to roll off his brother.

Something exploded in Fili's side. He gasped and Kili froze, afraid he had hurt him.

"Fili?" he asked. He slowly rolled off of Fili to see what was wrong, but the movement only made Fili cry out despite his best efforts to keep silent. Something had cracked when Kili moved and the younger dwarf had a sudden terrifying moment when he thought it was some bone of Fili's. But when he turned around to examine his brother he saw a broken wooden shaft sticking from his side instead. He blanched in horror.

"Oh Mahal, Fili, I'm so sorry," he breathed, trembling as he shrugged the quiver he had been wearing from his shoulder and saw that, sure enough, there was a tear in the stitching that an arrow had gone through and stabbed Fili when Kili had fallen on him. He reached out to touch the shaft lodged under Fili's ribs, forgetting any pain he had suffered. Fili grabbed his wrist before he touched it, his pain apparent in the strong grip.

"Kili, leave it," he ground out. "Not here."

"Oh, Fili," Kili whispered and choked on a sob, gathering his brother into his arms and pressing his face into the top of his head. Fili was breathless from pain, the broken off shaft feeling like it was twisting and burning his insides, but the only thing he seemed to be able to think about was that he was the one who was supposed to be comforting Kili. He was the one who had caused him this pain, and he couldn't find the strength to comfort him. He wanted to cry, but he knew that would only make it worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here you go! Thanks to everyone who has already reviewed, faved and followed! I hope the story lives up to your expectations. As of now, I really don't know how long it's going to be nor where exactly it might end up, but that's kind of exciting :P Anyway, hope you enjoy... or whatever you do with painful feels.**

Chapter Two

Thorin heard Fili's cry for help and was instantly running in the direction it had come from, his heart in his throat. What in Durin's name had those two gotten into now?

"Fili!" he called as he raced in that direction. "Kili! Shout out if you can hear me!"

It took a few minutes of searching before he found their bags and Kili's bow lying on the ground. He felt a sickness rise in him, almost suspecting what had happened but not wanting to believe it until it was proven.

"Fili, Kili!" he called again and then he heard the faint cry coming to his right. He was about to rush over to the cliff's edge when Fili's voice came frantically, "Careful!"

Thorin stopped, knowing exactly why his nephew had warned him and glad he had as he skidded slightly on the wet ground. He got onto his hands and knees and crawled across the slick stones and mud before he peered over the side and his heart leapt into his throat as he saw his nephews crouched on a small outcropping halfway down the cliff side. Kili looked up tearfully at him, clutching his brother's limp form against him.

"Uncle!" he cried, relief clear on his face.

"Kili, are you two all right?" Thorin asked frantically, trying to assess any injuries but unable to see clearly.

"One of my arrows broke off in Fili's side when I landed on him," Kili said, trying to suppress a sob and failing.

"Okay, Kili, calm down, I'll tie off the rope and have you two up soon." He tried to keep his voice calm for Kili's sake, but inside he was nearly flying apart. His heart pounded in his throat and his hands shook as he unraveled his rope and tried to tie it off around the trunk of a nearby tree. He cursed himself and stopped to take several deep breaths to calm down, finally slowing his heartbeat and getting his hands to stop shaking. He would do neither of them any good if he was a complete emotional mess. Kili and Fili both needed him to be strong and he had to do it for them.

"Come on," he growled to himself. "You're so good at suppressing your emotions, put it to use now!"

He got the knot secure and then tied the other end in a loupe, knowing Kili was likely in no condition to make a secure knot himself. He went back to the cliff edge.

"Okay, Kili, I'm going to send it down and pull you up first then I'll go down for Fili." Kili nodded and Thorin tossed him the rope and Kili put it under his arms, gently sliding Fili's head back onto the ground. He clasped his brother's hand one last time and then stood shakily, gripping tightly to the rope, looking up at Thorin.

"Okay," he said and Thorin pulled him up, bracing himself against a rock.

As soon as Kili was over the edge, Thorin had him in his arms and was checking him for injuries, feeling the boy shaking against him, but Kili pushed him away.

"No, I'm fine, please, go get Fili," he pleaded and Thorin nodded, knowing Kili wouldn't relax until his brother was safe and he seemed not to have anything pressing wrong with him. He took the rope in hand and made himself ready for the climb down, taking up the slack as he pulled it around his waist. He rappelled down the side and landed next to Fili, instantly crouching down and putting a hand to his nephew's cheek.

"Fili, are you all right?" he asked softly so Kili wouldn't hear. "Do you have any other injuries besides the arrow?"

"D-don't know," Fili said. "Ha-hard to t-tell."

Thorin began a gentle examination of Fili's body, but apart from a few bruises and scrapes and a bump on the head, the arrow seemed to be the worst injury. Kili had been able to walk, so Thorin decided the fall itself hadn't done too much damage, probably due to the sloping of the side. If it had been a sheer drop, they likely would have been in much worse condition.

"And the arrow wound?"

Fili's blue eyes were clouded in pain and his breathing was labored. "I—I don't know. The arrow went in deep. It's st-stuck."

Thorin looked at the bloody patch of Fili's coat and the awkward angle of the broken shaft that stuck from him. He swallowed hard but knew the first step was getting his nephew back up top. "It will be all right, Fili, I'm just going to tie the rope around you and then when I climb back up I'll pull you up as well. I need you to hold on to it tight. It will hurt, but it's the only way, all right?"

Fili nodded slightly and Thorin fixed the rope under his arms and then took Fili's hands and squeezed them around the rope. He stood and picked up Kili's quiver, which he had left there and started to climb the rope. Once he was up he called to Fili that he was ready and then he and Kili started to pull him up slowly.

Fili tried not to cry out, but his whole body ached and the shaft in his side was so painful he nearly passed out. Something felt wrong about it, but he wasn't sure what. He was in too much pain to really be able to give any conclusive diagnosis anyway.

Kili held the rope as Thorin went over to the cliff side to pull Fili up the rest of the way. His nephew was white as a sheet and sweating profusely. Thorin undid the rope from around him and gently positioned him so he could pick him up.

"All right, we need to find a place to make a camp. Kili, can you lead?"

Kili nodded and staggered off into the woods as Thorin hefted Fili in his arms. The blond dwarf gasped in pain and Thorin felt his heart rend, mostly for knowing that this was nothing compared to the pain his nephew would be in when he had to take out the arrow.

"It will be all right, my brave one," he whispered to Fili, kissing his forehead like when he was a dwarfling. "Just hold on."

Fili closed his eyes and pressed his face against his uncle's shoulder, gripping the front of his coat for comfort and also because the pain was nearly too much to bear. They ventured further into the woods and finally Thorin called Kili to stop in a small covered clearing that had a thick tree cover and would be protected for the most part if it started to rain again. Thorin gently lay Fili down propped against a tree where Kili instantly dropped to his side and took his brother's hand.

"I'll go back and get the packs," Thorin said, knowing it would be useless to separate the two now. He quickly went back to the gorge and grabbed all their gear before hurrying back to their campsite.

"Kili, help me set things up to take care of your brother," he said quietly. Where this strange calm had come from, he wasn't sure. Maybe it was from a hope that Fili wasn't as badly injured as he had first feared. He was glad of the calm, but he didn't trust it. Not in the least. Kili silently helped him and Thorin felt a pang of guilt as he saw how exhausted Kili was from the fear of the accident and the fear for his brother. He wished he could tell the boy to go sit down, but that wasn't an option if they were going to get Fili taken care of as soon as possible.

"Get his bedroll laid out," Thorin said and Kili rolled the pallet out in a dry spot under some trees as Thorin went back over to Fili and picked him up again. Fili tried so hard not to cry out, Thorin felt his heart wrench as he watched his nephew try to fight it, try to be brave, but a whimper escaped anyway as he was laid down. Kili hovered, unsure of what to do besides hold his brother's hand. He looked instinctively to Thorin and the older dwarf realized that this was on him.

"Kili, get a fire going. We need hot water to clean the wound and then get the first aid things out."

Kili dutifully set to work. Thorin was slightly worried by his silence, but knew that he was going through shock, and his reaction was certainly understandable. Thorin set about removing Fili's clothes, setting his belt and sword to one side, causing Fili to wince slightly. As Thorin gently opened his jacket and eased it over the arrow shaft, Fili hissed and his fingers dug into the blanket of his bedroll. Thorin unlaced his shirt and slid it from him as gently as possible, revealing the rest of his hurts. He had a dark purple spot on his left side that had been caused from his sword hilt smashing his into ribs. Fili gritted his teeth while Thorin explored the area with his fingers, but thankfully nothing seemed broken. He finally turned back to look at Fili and offered him a reassuring smile, placing a hand on his cheek and stroking the hair back from his forehead.

"You seem to have been very lucky, Fili. It could have been much worse."

Fili tried to smile, but it was more a grimace. "I don't know if you'd say that if you were in my body right now."

Thorin chuckled dryly and turned to Kili who had gotten the fire started and was starting to boil the water. Thorin caught him casting worried glances at his brother and took pity on the boy. "I'll take over, Kili, you keep Fili company until I get everything ready."

Kili scooted over to his brother and gently lifted his head onto his knee, clasping the hand Fili reached up to him.

"I'm so sorry, Fi," Kili whispered to his brother, his voice trembling and tears threatening to fall.

Fili squeezed his hand and tried his best to smile for his brother. "It's not your fault, Ki. It was just the mud. You can't blame yourself for that."

"But, Fili," Kili protested. "It was _my_ arrow, and I was the one who went over first…"

"Shh," Fili soothed him and Thorin found himself so proud of his nephew, who, even while he was wounded, still sought to offer his younger brother every comfort he could.

The water came to a boil and Thorin cooled some to wash his hands with before he took out a thin knife from their packs and held it over the flames before dunking it into the boiling water and taking it off the fire to crouch beside Fili.

"Okay, Fili, I'll try to make this as quick as possible. It shouldn't take too much doing." He looked over at Kili who seemed more nervous than his wounded brother. "You're going to have to hold him."

Kili nodded and settled Fili more comfortably in his lap, still holding his hand, but wrapping his other arm around Fili's shoulders to keep him down. It was common practice for them, sadly. This wasn't the first time one had to hold the other down for some medical procedure. It hadn't usually been anything quite this bad before though.

Thorin washed the blood from around the wound to start with so he could see, then he rested one hand on Fili's stomach to steady him and met his nephew's blue eyes. "Ready?" he asked.

Fili nodded once, taking a deep shuddering breath. "Ready." He gripped Kili's hand tighter and closed his eyes.

Thorin took a deep steadying breath, making sure his hands weren't shaking and then he applied more pressure to Fili's chest to keep him still before he made a short, neat cut below the arrow shaft to ease the head's passage. Fili gave a sharp gasp and tensed under Thorin's hand, but he was otherwise silent.

"Take a deep breath," Thorin instructed and Fili did so as Thorin grasped the shaft. "Now breathe out." He slowly eased the shaft from the wound as Fili breathed out with a moan. As it came out, Thorin sat there for a second, looking slightly dumbfounded at the five inches of shaft that sat in his hand, before he realized what it meant.

"Uncle?" Kili asked, staring at him, trying to see what his uncle held in his hand and seeming surprised that Fili, even in all his bravery, hadn't made more of a fuss. "Did you get it?"

The dread began to slowly fill Thorin then as he knew exactly what had happened. He looked from the shaft in his hands to the wound in Fili's side and felt bile rise in his throat.

"Fili," he said quietly as he set the shaft aside. "I'm afraid that the arrowhead has broken off."

**Yeah, another cliffie, sorry! Poor Fili and Kili, and Thorin too. I feel so horrible for what I'm putting them through in this story! :'(**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the next chapter as promised. This was super hard to write, and it took me a while to figure out how exactly I wanted to go about it. It's probably going to be a pretty hard read too, just as a warning. I hope everyone seems to be in character. **

**Warning: some graphic content concerning wounds and crude treatments. **

Chapter Three

It was Kili who let out the anguished cry at the news, his eyes searching his uncle's to make sure he had spoken the truth. Fili just closed his eyes.

"I-I thought I felt it deeper than it should have been and…m-moving around," Fili whispered.

"What are we going to do now?" Kili asked. "Uncle?"

Thorin shook his head. "We have no choice, we have to take it out."

"No, Uncle!" Kili cried, horrified. "None of us are healers, we should go back home and let Oin do it."

"Kili," Thorin sighed, deciding not to soften the situation. It wouldn't do any of them good. "Your brother is not going to make the trip back if we don't get that out of him. It's too close to his lung for comfort. Moving him as far as we did already was damaging enough." He was pressing a wadded cloth to the wound to stop the bleeding as he decided the best course of action. Kili whimpered and clutched his brother to him. Fili was oddly silent and Thorin turned his attention to the elder, worry coursing through him.

"Fili, I'm going to let you make the decision if you want to," he said gently.

Fili looked at him for a while, silent as Kili tried to hide his emotions but he was shaking and making a bad attempt at it. "I trust you, Uncle Thorin," Fili said softly.

His confidence nearly made Thorin quail at the thought of the task that awaited him. He honestly didn't know if he could cut his nephew open and dig around for an arrowhead. But he didn't have another choice, and he would do it because it was what needed to be done to save Fili's life. He couldn't even consider it going wrong right now. That just wasn't an option.

"Fili," Kili pleaded.

"Ki," Fili said firmly reaching up a hand to put on his brother's cheek. "You know Uncle Thorin is not going to hurt me. He can do this, and everything's going to be all right. I'm not going anywhere." He smiled and pulled Kili's head down to press their foreheads together. Thorin watched the tender scene with an aching heart. He couldn't afford to make a mistake, for he knew if he did, it wouldn't be just one nephew's life on the line, but both.

"We're losing light," he said finally. "We need to get this over with as soon as possible. Kili, help me put torches around the pallet so I have more light to see by."

They lit up the place and Thorin boiled more water and searched their bags for cloths and bandages they could use, as well as a needle and thread he set about sterilizing in the boiling water. Thorin cast a swift glance back at Fili before he turned to his younger nephew who was beside him at the fire, almost paler than his injured brother, and put a hand on his shoulder. Kili flinched.

"Kili," Thorin spoke quietly so Fili wouldn't hear them. "I know this isn't going to be easy, but you're going to have to be strong for Fili, all right? And me too. I don't like this any more than you do, and I need your support, and I need you to keep a cool head about it. Can you do that?"

Kili didn't say anything, just stared into the fire. Thorin reached out and took his face between his hands, turning him to face him. "Kili, can you do that for me?"

Finally Kili nodded. "Yes, Uncle," he whispered and Thorin bent briefly to kiss his forehead before he got up and took the pot of boiling water with him. Fili looked up at him as he came over, and Thorin knew he was trying to be brave, mostly, he suspected, for Kili's sake, but there was fear in his blue eyes and Thorin reached down to stroke the hair from his face, offering a smile.

"I'll make this as quick as possible." Then he bent to whisper in his ear so Kili couldn't hear. "You don't need to be brave about this, Fili."

"Yes I do," he replied without hesitation. "I have to. Just—please, Uncle; don't make Kili do anything that…that will hurt him."

Thorin frowned at the odd request, shaking his head. "You know I wouldn't ask anything of him that I thought he couldn't handle."

"That's not exactly what I meant," Fili told him honestly, meeting Thorin's eyes.

Thorin wanted to ask him what he had meant, but Kili was back and Fili turned to offer him a reassuring smile. "Let's see if you're strong enough to keep me down, little brother," he teased, but swallowed hard, and Thorin's heart ached at the look of anguish that passed unspoken between the two. He felt instantly guilty that Kili had to be part of this. He wished to send him out into the woods, but he couldn't keep Fili down by himself, and despite every wish, he knew they were going to have to hold him down. He again thought of what Fili had asked him, and shook his head. He had no idea then, none at all.

"Kili," Thorin instructed, pushing all his fears away. He had to concentrate now and get this over with before he had no light to see by. "Hold him down like you were before and put all your weight on his shoulders. Fili, are you sure you're not badly hurt anywhere else?"

Fili shook his head slightly. "No."

Thorin took a deep breath and carefully straddled his nephew, sitting on his upper legs. He gave him an apologetic look as Fili groaned from his weight.

"I'm sorry, Fili, but I can't have you moving." Fili nodded and looked up at Kili in readiness.

"Ki, you have to put more weight on me. Please. You're not going to hurt me."

Kili gave him a watery look and sniffed as he applied more pressure, leaning his full weight on his brother's shoulders as he knelt directly above his head.

Thorin took up the knife he had used before and looked at Fili.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Just get it over with," Fili said with a dry laugh as he braced himself.

Thorin closed his eyes briefly, trembling, and took a deep, calming breath and said a prayer to keep his hands steady. Then he just braced himself as if he were going into battle and forced himself to thrust all his emotions aside.

He made the incision a little deeper, and heard Fili's sharp intake of breath and felt him trembling under him as he hesitated only a moment before he slipped his fingers into the wound. Fili stiffened, his hands clenching in the blanket under him and a moan escaping his lips even as he fought to contain it.

Thorin dug deeper into the wound, feeling for the arrowhead, and had to concentrate seriously on not thinking about what he was doing. Oh, Mahal, he hadn't thought this through. Bile rose in his throat and he swallowed hard, using all his will power to keep himself from retching. Fili was moaning, jerking involuntarily, until Thorin's fingers finally made contact with the arrowhead, and then a sharp scream ripped from his throat. The injured dwarf arched his back against the pain, and Thorin nearly gave up, fighting the urge to run away and scream himself. He heard Kili's whimper and against his better judgment, he cast a look at his nephews.

"I found it, it will only be another minute," he assured, not really knowing what he was saying, just trying to say something, anything, to offer a little reassurance. But as soon as he saw Fili's sweat slicked face and his eyes rolled up in his head, he felt something break inside of him. He wanted to sag, and had to fight against everything to keep himself upright. "Hold on, Fili," he almost pleaded, then took another deep breath and turned his focus back on the wound, forcing all feelings away, hardening himself. The only problem was that he wasn't a healer, and he had not been trained for these situations; had not been taught to work through the pain of the patient and to ignore the screams.

Because that was the worst part of it. He had never heard Fili scream like that. It was raw pain that he couldn't contain, having to have some outlet for it. Thorin wished he would just pass out. The screams were tearing him up from the inside out and he couldn't concentrate. His hands shook and every time he slipped trying to get the arrowhead out, another scream came, and it was just a never-ending cycle of pain that he had to do something to stop.

"Fili, please," he found himself pleading once, and then nearly felt worse as he watched Fili bite his lip to bleeding to keep from making a sound, but as he continued to work, the moans turned into screams again and Kili was crying and it just wasn't helping. Finally Thorin knew something had to be done because he just couldn't concentrate and it was killing him. It was probably the worst idea he had ever had but he was hardly thinking straight.

"Fili, you need to stop," he commanded, but Fili was too far gone now to listen to him. Thorin's bloody fingers slipped on the arrowhead again and in his poor frantic state, he jerked a little too much and made Fili scream even more.

"Kili, put your hand over his mouth," Thorin commanded shortly, trying to keep all emotion away even as he was sagging from the weight of his tortured heart.

"Uncle, please no," Kili cried, horrified, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Do it, Kili," Thorin grunted, digging deeper into the wound as another of Fili's hoarse screams filled the woods and he was forced to stop his bloody work to glare at his youngest nephew. "Now!"

Kili was shaking his head, tears streaming over his face. "I c-can't."

"Do it!" Thorin shouted.

"Uncle, don-don't make h-him…" Fili gasped out. "I'll…b-be quiet."

Thorin ignored him. "Kili, do what I say."

Kili shook his head, sobbing openly.

Thorin reached over Fili and grabbed one of Kili's hands from his brother's shoulder, covering it in Fili's blood in the process, and pressing it over his mouth as the blonde's eyes widened in horror and—was that betrayal?—at his uncle. Thorin ignored it, knowing he had to if he was going to finish this. He kept his hand over Kili's, staring into his wet eyes, trying not to be undone by his trembling lips, until he had cowed his nephew and knew he was going to do as he asked before he set back to work.

Fili's next scream was muffled and more easy for Thorin to deal with, but it was Kili who broke his heart this time, his broken "I'm so sorry, Fi, please be quiet," over and over again tearing into Thorin's gut like the arrow he was taking out of his nephew, because he knew he was responsible for it. What in Mahal's name was he doing to those boys? But he couldn't let himself think of it. He had to concentrate, had to block it out or he would never finish and would just be prolonging the agony. He realized that the only thing he could do to keep himself from falling into his own pit of mixed emotions was to cover them with the one he was most familiar with. Anger.

"Kili, stop," he finally snapped, causing his youngest nephew to stop his babbling instantly. "It's not helping; just keep him still and quiet and this will get over much faster. Dry your eyes, boy. You'll not help you brother like that."

He didn't watch as Kili's frame trembled with the silent sobbing he fought so hard to keep a hold of as Thorin turned back to the wound. The arrowhead had lodged under Fili's lowest rib, making it hard to get to. With a growl and a final effort, he finally got a good grip on it, even if it caused Fili more pain than before and Kili's hand could hardly muffle the scream_—Mahal, why didn't he just pass out already?_—but he felt it move this time, and he drew it slowly from the wound, making sure not to do any more damage on the way out and finally pulled the bloody thing from the wound to Fili's last scream, and watched in relief as his nephew's body sagged. Kili cautiously took his hand from Fili's mouth and Thorin's didn't stop him. He stood holding the arrowhead and then threw it away into the woods, not wanting to see it again. Finally, he looked down at his hands. They were covered in blood, and trembling so much he could barely grab the cloth he snatched to wipe them off on.

He eased himself off of Fili's legs and turned to the pot of water. He glanced over at Fili's face and saw him white as a sheet, breathing raggedly, his face pressed against Kili's thigh. The younger had moved his hands from his shoulders and lifted Fili's head onto his knee, carding his fingers through his tangled hair to soothe him. He looked unconscious finally, or at least delirious. Thorin took a cloth to wash the blood from his nephew's body and then set about stitching the wound closed. He almost didn't think he was going to be able to do it, but he willed his hands to stop trembling and did manage it, much to his surprise. He then bandaged Fili up and grabbed another cloth to clean the sweat off of him. No one spoke through the whole thing. The only sound was Fili's labored breathing, and Kili's sniffling as he tried not to sob. Thorin gently washed Fili's face as it rested in his brother's lap and then saw Kili's bloody hand lying on his shoulder. He reached out to clean the blood from it, but Kili suddenly became animated again and snatched at away. Thorin didn't have the energy to protest.

"Help me move him closer to the fire," Thorin finally grunted. "He needs to be kept warm."

Kili stirred and they picked up the blanket beneath Fili between them and moved him as close to the fire as they could. Kili instantly sat down at his brother's head and reached to take his limp hand. Fili was trembling and Thorin found his own blanket and moved to tuck it around Fili, stroking his cheek softly before he stood again and turned to Kili who refused to look at him. He cleared his throat, which was so dry and pained, he wasn't sure he would be able to talk at all.

"Kili, I want to see the injuries you sustained in the accident," he said finally. "Let's at least get you cleaned up a bit."

Kili didn't answer and Thorin sighed, reaching down to put a hand under his elbow to draw him up. "It will only take a minute—"

Kili suddenly shoved him away with a strength Thorin hadn't expected. He staggered back, meeting his youngest nephew's glaring eyes. "Leave me alone!" he snarled before turning back to his brother almost protectively, as if he were afraid Thorin would hurt him.

Thorin felt the anger rise inside of him, knowing he should not allow Kili to speak to him like that, but he found he couldn't. He knew deep down, Kili was justified in his actions. His mind flashed through the surgery again and he staggered as the horror of everything he had done played through his head. He looked down at his hands and saw Fili's blood still spattering his wrists. The bile rose in his throat again, more furiously this time, and without really knowing what he was doing, he found himself running off further into the woods, needing to be alone. He ran until he had to stop, falling to his knees as his stomach finally rebelled and he vomited onto the ground. He crouched there panting and trembling uncontrollably.

"Oh Mahal," he choked. "What have I done?"

Thorin suddenly ripped the coat from his shoulders and curled over as if to keep himself from flying apart, balling the thick fabric up before he pressed it to his face and screamed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, this chapter took me longer to get up than I thought, so I apologize for the wait. It took me a while to get this one down right because it was hard to write. Maybe even harder than the last one. I hope you all enjoy it though. I also want to thank everyone who has faved, followed, and reviewed, especially to the reviewers without accounts that I couldn't reply to. You guys make me so happy :) I'm just glad someone likes my stories!**

Chapter Four

When Thorin returned to the camp, he no longer trembled, but was in more of a numb state of shock. The only thing that gave him with strength he needed to actually stay upright and not curl into a ball of grief as he wished to, was the thought of Fili in pain and how someone needed to be there to take care of him. Yes, Kili was with him, but Thorin didn't think he could trust his youngest nephew to much rational decision making at the moment. The poor boy was likely to fall apart if his brother so much as whimpered again, and Thorin knew he would have to do something to repair Kili, but he had no idea what to do. He felt so helpless. This was Dis' area, and he was afraid he would only make it worse if he tried to talk to Kili right now.

As it was, he didn't get a lot of time to think about it any more when he got back to the camp because he found Kili trying to calm Fili down who was shuddering under his blanket. Thorin hurried over to them and crouched next to Kili, ignoring how stiff his nephew got at his close proximity.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he looked at the injured dwarf and reached out to feel his brow, finding it hot and dry.

"I think he's fevered," Kili said blandly.

Thorin lowered the blankets slightly and placed a hand over Fili's beating heart, worried to find it beating slowly, rather than faster as it should be with a fever. He took one of Fili's hands and felt his fingers were cold. His breathing was labored, and he kept shuddering.

"He's going into shock," Thorin said grimly. "The pain and blood loss will do that."

"Fix him," Kili whispered, never looking at Thorin.

"Kili," Thorin sighed tiredly as he wrapped the blanket back around Fili and added his coat on top of it too, even though he shivered in the cold night air. "I can't just fix him like that. He's in a lot of pain right now, and the best thing we can do is keep him warm and try to get some fluids into him once he settles down a bit. "

"Please make him better," Kili whimpered and Thorin was beginning to become just as worried for his younger nephew—maybe even more so as he knew what ailed Fili and how to fix him, but he wasn't sure he could do the same for Kili.

He sighed again and reached out to take Kili's face between his hands. "Kili, listen…" Kili jerked away from his hands and turned from him once again and Thorin clenched his fists, forcing his anger down. He closed his eyes and then continued. "Kili, he needs real medical attention. We can't treat him properly out here. But we're in a bit of a predicament. We don't have a safe way to get him back without hurting him more, and it's a day's hike back to the village from here. One of us could stay with him while the other goes for help, but you're in no shape to make the trip, and I don't want to leave you alone here with Fili. The only other option is to wait for help to arrive. We're supposed to be back by tomorrow night, and when we're not, well, you know your mother, she'll have everyone out here looking for us. Dwalin knows where we're supposed to be and he'll find us. I don't think Fili will die in that time, but it could still make him worse to be left out in the cold and damp for more time than necessary. Unfortunately that seems like our only option right now."

"It's too long," Kili whispered. "One of us has to go back."

"No," Thorin said firmly. "Neither of us is going to go back. The least we can do is stay with your brother and make him as comfortable as possible."

Kili finally turned around and met Thorin's eyes, his dark ones, so usually full of mirth were now flashing with anger. "I'm not leaving him to die here! I'll go myself if you're too much of a coward!"

Thorin, still suffering from frayed nerves, finally snapped. "You know what, Kili, I've had just about enough of this. I am doing this for your own good. Do you not think I wouldn't cross deserts and seas for you boys?"

"No, but you'd obviously hold them down and torture them when they're already in enough pain!" Kili screamed, standing up.

Thorin leapt to his feet too, staring his nephew down. "That, Kili, is far off the mark. Do you think I enjoyed what I had to do to save Fili's life? That I _like_ to have my hands covered in my nephew's blood? Maybe I should have let you do it; feel his blood on your hands and dig inside of him as his screams tore you apart. How would you have liked that, boy?"

Kili looked so horrified, Thorin wished he could take his words away, but then the young dwarf seemed to rally another wave of strength and took a step closer to his uncle. "You already made me party to it! His blood is already on my hands! And you _are_ guilty, Thorin, because you couldn't even bear to listen to his screams at the pain _you_ caused!"

"Kili!" Thorin snapped and reached out to him to take him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him, but Kili shoved his hands away and swung a fist at his face, hitting Thorin square in the jaw. Thorin staggered back a step and Kili leapt forward to shove him in the chest. Thorin was so surprised he stumbled and sat down hard, looking up at the young dark haired dwarf, the rage clear in his eyes.

"Just leave me alone! You don't have the right!" He was sobbing again, unable to help it. "Just stay away!"

"Stop," Fili groaned and they both were shocked to see him watching the fight, his own eyes clouded with tears. "Please stop. Kili, you-you don't m-mean it."

Kili instantly fell down beside his brother and grabbed his hand, stroking his head gently. "Don't worry about it, Fili. Just rest."

Thorin got up and started over to Fili as well, but Kili looked up at him, crouching over Fili with such a feral expression he stopped. "Stay away from my brother!"

"Kili," Fili whispered, shaking his head, but Thorin just stayed silent. He should feel anger, but he couldn't summon it. All he felt was pity and guilt. Kili obviously wasn't in his right mind at the moment and it was all his fault. He could not blame him, not for any of it, because he had been right. Thorin was a coward.

"It's all right, Fili," he said tiredly. "Let me know if you need anything."

He went to the shadows on the other side of the fire and sat against a tree with a bone weary sigh, drawing his knees up and burying his face in his hands for a few minutes. When he looked up again, he saw Kili still trying to calm his brother, whispering to him. He had added his own coat to Fili's other coverings and Thorin wished he hadn't because Kili needed to stay warm just as much as Fili, but he wasn't about to say anything. He felt simply horrible about the entire thing. Never had he thought anything like this would befall them. He wondered if he should take the chance and run back down the mountain to fetch help. He only had the horrible feeling that if he wasn't there—if something happened…Kili wasn't in his right mind and he knew that one fluctuation in Fili's state of health and the boy would fly apart. Thorin had never seen him so distressed, and he had no idea what Kili would do if his nerves were frayed even a little bit more. He only knew that he was not looking after one nephew here but two, and he wasn't sure which one was actually in the worse state at the moment. He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head against them, heaving a deep breath that trembled slightly. If only Dis were here, she would be able to handle it. What would she say when she saw what he had done to her boys? She would never let him see them again probably. He knew he wouldn't if he was in her position.

"Oh Mahal, what am I going to do?" he whispered quietly and rocked back and forth and he tried to get a grip on his own emotions before they completely consumed him as well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's a longer chapter for you to start your weekend with! This was a very hard section to write, and I hope it turned out okay, I'm still not sure whether I went overboard or not, but I think we have to take into consideration just what our boys are going through here. Thorin's suffering from his typical self-blame, but Kili too, it suffering from guilt he's put upon himself. I know his reactions might seem a little over the top, but he's young, only about 15 in human years, and there's another factor too, that will be brought out in the next chapter. Anyway, sorry for the continued painfulness of this story, but just hold on and ride it out ;)**

**Warning: More heavy angst and crude medical treatments in this chapter. Nothing bloody, but might be distressing to those of weak constitutions. If you've made it this far though, you should be fine.**

Chapter Five

Fili got worse in the middle of the night, the fever spiking and causing them to have to keep him cool with cloths dipped in cold river water. Kili finally let Thorin near Fili to help, but he never spoke to him and overall ignored him. Fili was too delirious to notice much of anything, but every once in a while, he eyes would open and he appeared to recognize his caretakers; at other times he would murmur nonsense or something about Kili or Thorin or his mother. Thorin grew more and more worried as the night progressed and they could not seem to bring Fili's fever down.

Kili was sagging and Thorin wished he would lie down just for a few minutes. He looked utterly terrible and he shivered, but whenever Thorin tried to tell him he should rest, he just received a scowl for his troubles. Then, finally, Fili seemed to have a spell in the fever when he came back to himself for a moment, nearly crying from the pain in his side, but at least lucid.

"Uncle," he moaned and Thorin, who had been wringing out the cloths, hurried to his side and ignored Kili's protective glance as he knelt and put a hand to his eldest nephew's cheek.

"Fili, how do you feel?" he asked gently, stroking the burning cheek with his thumb.

Fili closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. "Been better. Ki," he reached out and Kili instantly latched onto his hand, holding it tightly in his lap, the anguish clear on his face. Fili looked up at him worriedly. Still looking after the welfare of his brother, even when he was nearly unconscious from agony.

"Ki, you need to rest," he whispered.

"I need to look after you, Fi," Kili said, sounding so young, tears sliding down his face.

"It's all right, you n-need to rest too," Fili told him kindly, tugging Kili slightly to motion him to lie down. "Stay right by me. I'm-I'm not going anywhere, Ki."

Kili sagged completely; whatever had been holding him together gone now. He collapsed onto the bedroll next to his brother, still clutching his hand and huddled close, seeming to find relief in his fevered heat. Satisfied that his little brother was resting, Fili let his eyes slide shut again and fell back into his fevered dreams. Thorin watched the two sadly and repositioned one of the blankets covering Fili so that it covered Kili too. Kili whimpered when Thorin tucked it around him and the older dwarf frowned, deciding he was going to make a concerned effort the next day to see to whatever hurts Kili had sustained in the fall. He felt ashamed that he had given the younger little thought since Fili's wound had been so grave. He stroked Kili's face, trying to smooth some of the strain from it, and was somewhat heartened when his nephew nuzzled his cheek against his hand, seeking the comforting touch, even if he was unconscious of what he was doing. At least Kili wasn't lashing out at him even in his sleep.

Thorin sat with his back against a log by the fire and washed Fili's face to keep the fever down. It was so high, he was afraid he would start having seizers, and he finally peeled back the covers to expose Fili's body to the cool night air. Fili whimpered in protest and tossed uncomfortably, pain clear in his features. Thorin didn't know what to do anymore. He was doing all he could and it didn't seem to be enough. He sighed and lowered his head into his hands before Fili's cry of pain snapped him back.

Kili jerked awake at his brother's cry and reached for him the same time Thorin did, resulting in a moment of glaring before they both turned back to Fili to see him in the throws of some nightmare.

"Fi, calm down," Kili pleaded with him as he thrashed violently. Thorin managed to grab his wrists and press them up by his head to keep him still as Kili sought to soothe him.

"Hold him," Thorin said and turned down the blankets that had become tangled around Fili's legs in his struggling and were soaked in sweat. He felt queasy when he saw the fresh blood soaking the bandage around his middle and Thorin took a moment while Kili had managed to calm his brother to peel the bandages back and see that almost all of his stiches had been ripped out in Fili's struggles.

"What's wrong with him?" Kili demanded, fear tinting his voice and raising it several octaves.

"Keep him cool," Thorin instructed and passed the damp cloth to Kili who began to bathe Fili's face and chest. Thorin turned back to the wound, seeing it bleeding sluggishly again and knowing Fili could little afford to lose any more blood. He pressed the wadded bandages to the wound again and took a long moment to think about their situation.

He had learned the medicine of the battlefield, and certainly he and Frerin and Dwalin had gotten into enough scrapes in their younger years to know a thing or two about wounds and how to treat them in the wilderness. The problem was most of those treatments were very crude and could often cause more trauma than was good, and with Fili already in the state he was… Thorin closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to sob in anger at the hopelessness of their situation and the fact that he _knew_ what he was going to have to do, but he wasn't sure he could bring himself to do it. Not after everything else.

But with the fever and shock, what Fili needed most of all then was what blood he had left. And if Thorin didn't do everything he needed to keep that inside of him, then he was going to be in a lot worse condition. So as much as he knew it was going to hurt Fili—hurt all of them—he knew he had to do this.

He didn't even tell Kili, he didn't want to know what the young dwarf would do if he mentioned it. He just took up his knife and sunk it into the coals of the fire, watching as the blade grew red like he had done so many times before in the forge.

Unfortunately, Kili looked up and saw what he was doing, instantly on guard.

"Uncle, what are you doing?" he asked.

"Kili, we have to close the wound and stitches aren't going to work with his thrashing around," Thorin said quietly, as calmly as possible. "It would only cause him more pain in the long run…"

"No!" Kili cried, pulling his brother to him and looking at Thorin with that horror in his eyes again. "No! Y-you can't do that! It will be too much for him right now!"

"Kili, this has to be done," Thorin said, his voice so weary he hardly recognized it. "I don't want to have to do this but…"

"That's what you said last time!" Kili shouted. "And you still hurt him! I won't let you hurt him again!"

"Kili, for Mahal's sake," Thorin groaned, turning around and grabbing the young dwarf by his shoulders, shaking him slightly. "I am not hurting Fili on purpose, I am trying to help him. This is just what has to be done right now. Do you understand? I know it's not ideal, I know it won't be pleasant, but if we don't close that wound he _will_ die!"

Kili jerked angrily away from him and Fili, who was still resting in his lap, groaned and his eyes' flickered. Thorin cursed when he saw that. _Why can't he just stay unconscious?!_

"U-Uncle, K-Ki, please st-stop," he begged pitifully.

"Uncle, please," Kili pleaded with tears in his eyes. "You can't, please."

Thorin ignored him as well as he could though he felt that his insides were flayed by wargs for all the hurt they were giving him. He turned his back and took the knife from the coals, seeing it was hot enough. Fili must have still be awake because he gasped and Thorin caught the sight of fear in his fevered blue eyes past the pain as he turned around. Kili clung to him harder. Thorin closed his eyes, praying for strength.

"U-uncle?" Fili said.

"Fili, I'm sorry, I-I have to," Thorin whispered, wanting to comfort his nephew, pull him into his arms like he was still a baby, but he couldn't. If he did, he knew he would never be able to do this.

"No, don't!" Kili cried, suddenly throwing himself over top of his brother's body and grabbing Thorin's wrist in a fevered grip. "Oh, please don't, I'll keep him still, I promise."

Thorin was shocked for a moment by the hysteria he saw in Kili's eyes. This was not his Kili. Thorin was going to have to deal with this before Kili completely cracked.

"Kili, stop, let me go," Thorin said firmly.

Kili shook his head. He reached out to try and pry the knife from Thorin's hand, and that was all Thorin could take. He spun Kili around as the young dwarf cried out and pressed him against his chest, leaning over to speak into his ear.

"You need to calm down right now, Kili," he spoke in a low voice, making it as calming as he could. He could feel Kili trembling against him, his breath coming in short bursts. "Calm. Down. You are not helping Fili like this; you are only scaring him because he's sick and fevered and not processing things properly. Now either sit here or I will tie you up because I need to do this and I can't while you're trying to stop me."

"Uncle," Kili tried, but Thorin shushed him and turned him around again, gripping his shoulders so tightly Kili winced before he eased up. "Stay."

Kili stared at him wide eyed and sat dazed in the same spot as Thorin took up the knife again and sunk it back into the coals for a few seconds to heat up properly, then went over to Fili who was staring wildly at him.

"I'm sorry, Fili," he whispered, stroking his burning brow. "If there was any other way…"

"Uncle, please," Kili pleaded and Thorin just wished he would shut up because every time he spoke, all Fili heard in his fevered state was in brother in distress.

"U-uncle," Fili whispered, eyes searching for Thorin's. "D-don't…"

"Fili, this is for your own good," Thorin forced out, his voice breaking as he forced himself with everything he had not to let the sob in his throat escape. The screaming hadn't even been this bad. How could he put his nephew through such pain when he was pleading with him not to? What kind of monster was he?

"No!" Kili cried, on his feet.

Fili struggled as Thorin pressed him back. "P-please…"

Thorin had had enough. Before Kili could rush at him he simply used his knee to keep Fili's legs still and then put the rest of his weight onto his chest before he pressed the dagger onto the wound. Fili screamed brokenly but thankfully passed out within a few seconds. It was Kili's scream that went on and Thorin simply turned around and folded the boy into his arms, holding him as tightly as he could before Kili scrambled away from him and hunched over his brother's unconscious form, touching him with trembling hands as if afraid to do him any more harm.

Thorin took a fortifying breath and stood shakily to fetch the first aid pack, his trembling hands pulling out more bandages. He crouched on the other side of Fili from Kili and looked down at the small pink, shiny patch of skin where the wound was. It seemed to have closed at least. Even if it hadn't, Thorin was not going to attempt to do it again. He was about to bandage Fili again when Kili ripped them from his hands and turned a full glare onto him.

"I hate you," he said, his voice trembling. "If he dies it's all your fault."

Thorin just stared at him a moment, not even feeling anything. Kili finally turned back to wrap the bandages around his brother and Thorin stood to sit by the fire again.

"I know it will be my fault," he whispered as he sunk down, exhausted. "This was all my fault." So, so exhausted. He didn't even think about it, he just slid down against a log and let his eyes slid shut, all the grief and pain and everything else finally surrounding him so that he couldn't stay conscious any longer and he fell into a stupor.

* * *

_Thorin was woken_ by someone groaning his name. He found he was groggier than he should be, and had to pull himself from the deep sleep he had fallen into from sheer emotional exhaustion. Something tugged his hand and he finally drug his eyes open and looked down to see Fili's eyes open, as he tried to get his attention.

"Uncle!" he called as loudly as he could manage. Thorin instantly snapped awake as he saw the panic in Fili's eyes. He sat up and crouched over his nephew, raising him slightly so he could give him something to drink to ease his speech. Worry filled him as he felt how Fili burned against his arm and somehow managed to feel so much frailer than before even though it had only been a day. _Had it really only been a day?_

Fili allowed himself a sip, but then pushed the water skin away weakly and took a deep breath to speak. "Uncle, Kili…" he tried.

Thorin looked around the camp for his youngest nephew, suddenly realizing he was not where he left him. For that matter he wasn't anywhere.

"Where is he?" Thorin asked.

"He-he left," Fili said, gripping Thorin's tunic frantically. "I thought I was dreaming—he said he was going to go get help. I-I hurt _so bad_ I couldn't h-help it. But when I w-woke up, he-he was gone!"

Thorin cursed, and then cursed again as he noticed Kili had left his coat and his pack and only seemed to have taken his bow with him. Fear settled in his chest as he tried to keep it hidden from Fili. The lad was distressed enough as it was. He turned back to his wounded nephew, and stroked his face to calm him.

"Listen Fili, I have to go find your brother. I'll try to come back as soon as I can. Hopefully he hasn't gotten too far."

"That's actually what I'm afraid of," Fili said, his voice rising an octave in worry, struggling away from Thorin's touch. "I think he might have been injured. Y-you have to find him!" His face darkened. "He ran away because of you."

Thorin stopped and closed his eyes. It seemed Fili was against him too now. "Fili, I know I have not done much right since this happened, and I'm deeply sorry. You can't even imagine how much it hurts me to see you and Kili in such pain, but I need you to understand that I only did what I had to. And only what was in my power to do in our position."

Fili's eyes filled with tears though Thorin knew he fought to keep them back. "I know you did what you had to, Uncle. I j-just wish that Kili hadn't had to b-be here for it."

"I know, my brave one," Thorin whispered, his throat too tight to say anymore. He wiped a tear off of Fili's cheek with his thumb. "I wish neither of you had to go through this."

"Just please f-find him," Fili begged, his eyes closing in exhaustion, wincing as he shifted slightly.

"I will, I promise," Thorin said, hesitating only a moment before he bent and pressed a kiss to the hot forehead. "Now don't worry, it won't make you any better. I will bring your brother back."

He quickly settled Fili's sword under the blanket next to his hand just in case, although they both knew he would be unable to wield it in his condition. He knew it would make Fili feel better to have his weapon beside him.

Thorin quickly buckled on his own sword, leaving his pack, so he could travel faster and set off into the woods in search of his wayward nephew.


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's the new chapter! A bit shorter than the last one, but it's a lot nicer too so I thought I would leave you with this one for the weekend, since the next one is still in progress. Hope you enjoy, and thanks again for all the follows, favs, and reviews :) Hopefully this one will shed a little more light onto what Kili has been going through so far.**

Chapter Six

Kili stumbled along though the trees, just trying to remember which way he was going. He began to realize he really hadn't thought it all through but it was too late to turn back now. He knew he needed to get Fili help, was so desperate to do so, but he had overestimated his strength. His whole body ached and he couldn't get his breath like he should have. He had bashed up his right side in the fall… he had looked at it once earlier when Uncle Thorin hadn't been watching, and the sight of the dark bruises on his ribs nearly made him throw up. Apart from that, and copious other bruises, he had a gash in his left thigh that had only escaped Thorin's attention because his black pants didn't show the blood. He knew he was in bad shape, but he had to keep going if it killed him. He had to get help for Fili because he couldn't stand to see him in such pain. That would kill him anyway, so he may as well die trying to help his brother.

He had been so scared when they had fallen down the ravine and he saw the arrow stuck into Fili, and all the pain Fili had had to go through and it had all been his fault. He had fallen over the cliff, he had injured his brother by falling on top of him with his own arrows after he had tried to rescue him, and he now had to make it better by going and getting help from the village. On top of all that, as his strength began to falter, he began having moments of clarity and in those moments, he felt sick about the things he had said to Uncle Thorin the night before. He had been angry, so angry, but he really hadn't meant it, he was just so scared and so furious at himself that the blame just seemed to slip out. He knew it was really his own fault; his uncle had just been a target to lash out at when he needed one, his mind going into denial about what had happened. He had seen Thorin as some malicious party only wanting to do his brother harm.

Maybe at the time, he had meant the things he had said, but he hadn't been thinking. He knew how fear and everything else could change someone for the worse. He knew that was why Uncle Thorin had done the things he did; he had seen the fear in his eyes. He knew why Thorin had made him muffle Fili's screams, but it had just been too much for him at that moment. He just hadn't been able to take another thing then, with his big brother, his protector, screaming and crying from pain. It wasn't right, it went against nature, and Kili had retreated into a part of his mind to escape it that he never wanted to go to again. He might have tried to cover it with anger and blame his uncle, but in all honesty, he knew it was his fault and his fault alone, and it was killing him.

He staggered and lurched against a tree, crying out as the impact jarred his ribs. He panted, standing there for a minute. He could feel fresh hot blood running down his leg into his boot; the wound in his thigh must have opened again. He shivered, wishing he had brought his coat, and not remembering why he had forgotten it in the first place. His throat was so dry, he wished he had water, but he hadn't brought his canteen either. He took a deep breath and pushed off the tree, making it only a few steps this time before dizziness swept over him and he stumbled and finally fell onto his knees.

He wanted to cry, he was crying, actually, he realized, as he felt tears drip down his cheeks. He was going to die out here in the woods, and Fili would die too because he hadn't been able to go get help. The only comfort he had in that thought was that they would go together.

He sobbed as he fought to climb back onto his feet, but his ribs locked and grated—one at least must be broken—and he screamed, losing all his breath in the effort and simply collapsed in a ball against the pain tearing him apart from the inside out. He only meant to wait for it to subside before going on, knowing he had to get help for Fili, but he found himself slipping into darkness and with shame, he realized he didn't want to stop it from coming.

* * *

_Once he got into the woods_ Thorin was glad to find that Kili's trail was not at all hard to follow. He seemed to be stumbling around, without any of his normal finesse, and leaving a clear trail to follow. Thorin went along at a jog, tracking his nephew's progress until something stopped him. He bent to see a few drops of dark liquid spattered onto the ground and stuck his finger in it, seeing it was blood. Terror began to brew in his chest. Fili had been right, Kili was wounded and he had taken off without a plan or supplies into the woods all alone and not thinking straight. Thorin renewed his efforts tenfold and hurried along Kili's trail until it finally seemed to end.

He looked around frantically for his nephew, and then finally saw the place where someone had drug himself along the ground. He hurried through the bushes and finally stopped short.

There, lying in a crumpled heap on the forest floor was Kili.

Thorin ran to Kili's limp figure and knelt swiftly, brushing the damp hair away from his forehead. Kili shivered and whimpered. Thorin's heart broke seeing him like this and he couldn't help the two tears that slid down his face as he remembered how he had treated the boy, and what he had made him do to drive him to this.

"My brave Kili," he whispered, looking his nephew over and seeing the bleeding wound on his thigh that he had been too busy to pay attention to before. He pressed his hand over it and found it hot, likely the source of Kili's fever. The young dwarf cried out and jerked as Thorin touched his wound and his eyes fluttered open.

"U-Uncle?" he whispered, and Thorin saw his eyes were bright with fever.

He put his hands on either side of Kili's face. "I'm here, Kili. Don't worry, now let's get you back to camp; you've worried your brother horribly."

Tears of relief and exhaustion spilled from Kili's eyes and he reached out to Thorin with a sob as if he were a child and Thorin simply pulled his nephew close and let him wrap his arms tightly around his neck as he positioned him to pick him up. Kili's breath hitched as the movement jarred his ribs but he only clutched at his uncle tighter, burying his face in Thorin's shoulder. Thorin walked back down the path he had come from, trying not to cause further injury to his nephew.

As they got back to camp, Fili was still struggling to stay awake, his eyes fevered, and frantic, and when he saw Kili in Thorin's arms, he tried to lever himself up to his elbows to see better. "Kili!" he croaked.

"Hush, Fili, he'll be fine," Thorin said and settled Kili down beside his brother again, knowing it would be pointless to separate them as it would only cause them more distress. Kili was still delirious but he curled closer to his brother when Thorin set him down, and Fili reached out a hand and weakly squeezed Kili's in his before he seemed to pass out again. Thorin rubbed a hand over his face with a tired sigh as he set about removing Kili's damp clothes so he could better see his wounds.

He took his trousers off first, seeing the angry red wound on his leg. It wasn't too deep, probably the result of a branch or root snagging him in the fall, but it hadn't been tended too, and was filthy and caked with dirt, obviously the cause of the fever, only made worse by Kili's emotional distress. When Thorin removed his tunic and undershirt, he winced to see the dark purple bruises on his left side. He felt them experimentally and Kili jerked in pain as Thorin felt the telltale grating of a cracked rib. Draping a blanket over top of Kili, Thorin went to the fire and heated some water to wash his nephew off as well as to clean the wound. He first washed all the dirt that had accumulated on Kili's body so he could be clean and then he placed a bowl under the young dwarf's leg and began to bathe the wound above his knee as gently as possible. However, he soon found that he had to scrub it because the dirt and even some gravel was so caked into it that it was hard to wash out without a little work. Kili whimpered and cried out through the whole thing and Thorin had to stop frequently to calm him down. It distressed Fili so much that he woke again from his fevered stupor and tugged his little brother closer to him, pressing his head to his shoulder. That quieted Kili a bit and Thorin was able to finish. But when he washed the wound out with the liquor he had in the pack to make sure he killed the infection, Kili screamed in pain and lashed out, kicking Thorin in the stomach, and causing Fili to yelp as his injured side was struck. Thorin calmed Kili down as he fought to get his breath back, and then turned to Fili with concern as he saw the blond dwarf curled around his wound.

"Are you all right?" he asked, gripping Fili's shoulder.

Fili tensed slightly, but he finally relaxed and turned to scoot closer to his uncle. He was so flushed with the fever that Thorin knew he had to cool him down. He had no idea whether it had lessened since the night before. Fili seemed a bit more lucid, but he didn't know how long that would last now that Kili was back with them in relative safety. Fili seemed to be slipping more by the minute.

He quickly bandaged Kili's leg and bound his ribs up and then went back to Fili, taking up a clean cloth and peeling the blanket back to he could wash his nephew's face and chest. Fili sighed in relief and his eyes fluttered open as his hand came out to grip the tail of Thorin's shirt like when he was a dwarfling.

"I'm not mad at you, Uncle," he whispered softly, making Thorin stop for a moment to look at him.

"You have every reason to be," he said sadly, wringing a cloth out and placing it on the blonde's forehead as he set about washing his chest off again.

Fili shook his head slightly. "No. I was at first because of what you made Kili do, but I understand why you did it. I-I should have been braver. For both of you."

"No, Fili, you have enough bravery for both of us," Thorin told him sincerely, reaching up to place his palm against the hot cheek and rub his thumb over Fili's cheekbone. "Even through it all, the only thing you ever thought about was keeping Kili safe and comforting him." A pained expression crossed his face. "I should not have asked Kili to muffle your screams; that was unkind for both of you."

Fili shook his head again. "No, I understand. I couldn't have listened to Kili scream. I might have done it myself if I was in his position. I-I tried to pass out, but for some reason I couldn't let myself go."

Thorin smiled fondly and stroked his hair back from his damp forehead. "You are a brave heart indeed, Fili. Never was there a prouder prince of Durin."

A smile touched Fili's lips. "Except for you, Uncle."

"Sometimes I wonder," Thorin said grimly with a sigh. Fili shivered then, and he covered him with the blanket again until he was through with the chills. Fili's hand snaked out of the blanket and found Thorin's, squeezing his fingers lightly as his eyes opened again.

"I'm cold, Uncle," he said, almost pleadingly, and Thorin knew the fever had taken over fully again as he listened to his nephew's teeth chatter from the chills.

His heart nearly broke at the helpless state his two boys were in at the moment, and all because he couldn't seem to properly keep an eye on them. After checking to make sure Kili was all right and tucking in his blankets more, he returned to Fili's side and lay down his own bedroll. He was exhausted, and knew he would have to sleep at least for a while if he was going to be taking care of these two boys all by himself, trying to pull them through the worst of the fever before help arrived. If it did.

He lay down with a deep sigh and Fili instantly huddled against him, seeking his warmth, even though he himself was burning up. Thorin gently wrapped his arm over him, resting his hand against Kili's chest on his other side so he could feel his ragged breathing. Fili pressed his face up under his uncle's chin and Thorin felt his eyes prick with tears as he pulled his nephew closer to him. Well, at least one seemed to have forgiven him, even if it was only in the throws of a fever. Now he was only left with Kili who would take a lot more work.


	7. Chapter 7

**Whew, this one took a lot of work, but I finally got it where I wanted it! Hopefully, you all enjoy it :) Thanks for all your continued support!**

Chapter Seven

Thorin was woken later by a cough that soon turned into a gasp, and he sat up hurriedly to see Kili curled into a ball, trying to breathe, but finding it impossible. Thorin threw his blanket off and hurried around to Kili, pulling him up to rest against his shoulder as he uncurled his nephew's body gently.

"Breathe, Kili, slowly. Just take deep breaths."

With Thorin's coaching, Kili finally got his breath back and slumped back against his uncle's chest. Thorin reached up to feel his forehead and noticed it still warm with fever. Not as hot as Fili, but still enough to worry him.

"How about something to drink?" Thorin asked Kili and before his nephew could answer he had reached over for the canteen and was pressing it to Kili's lips. Kili hesitated a moment and then drank eagerly after the water had touched his lips, realizing how thirsty he was. It was all Thorin could do to keep him from choking. That would not be kind on his broken ribs.

Once Kili had drunk his fill, he opened his eyes again and searched around until his gaze settled on Fili, still flushed and tossing on his pallet. A pained expression came over the younger's face.

"Is he any better?" he asked quietly.

Thorin shook his head. "No. His fever is persistent, but he did wake up earlier when I brought you back. He's just tired. With rest he should get better."

"It's all my fault," Kili whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek as he hung his head, seeming unable to look at his brother anymore. "I just wanted to go for help. I-I couldn't even d-do that!"

"It's not your fault, Kili," Thorin told him reassuringly.

"But it is!" Kili insisted, turning to look Thorin in the eye, grief and anger clearly warring in his fevered eyes. "It was my arrow that hurt him. I might as well have shot him myself!"

"No, Kili, that was hardly your fault, it was just an accident. You didn't mean to fall on him. It could have happened to anyone."

"Yes, and I never would have fallen on him if I hadn't gone over the cliff in the first place and made him have to rescue me!"

"That was an accident too," Thorin soothed, trying to console his nephew's misguided self-blame.

"No it wasn't!" Kili cried angrily, his hands clenching into fists as he tried to make his uncle understand. "I was the one playing around. If I had been doing what you asked, instead of messing around with Fili _none_ of this would have happened!" A cough wracked his body and he doubled over, his arms clamped over his ribs. When he caught his breath again, tears were streaming down his cheeks and Thorin reached out for him, but he shrugged him off.

"I don't deserve any comfort," he said darkly. "I might have killed my brother because I'm an idiot, and I couldn't even go to get help because of my wounds which I shouldn't have hidden from you. I just didn't think they were that bad. I didn't even realize I had them until I started out."

"Kili, shhh," Thorin tried to soothe, but he just shook his head, and Thorin worried that his agitated state would start him coughing again.

"No!" he screamed, hitting his fists weakly against Thorin's chest. "Just stop! It's my fault and you know it! Just say it." He then folded tiredly back onto the bed and Thorin watched his nephew's anguish with pain in his heart as Kili's shoulders shook with sobs he tired to conceal.

Thorin reached out and stroked his hair. Kili didn't protest, but Thorin knew from his stiffness that he wasn't allowing it to comfort him either so he stopped with a sigh. "Kili, let me tell you something. When I was about your age, my brother Frerin and I went out on a hunting trip and my father told me to look after him. Well, while we were making camp one night, I told him to go fetch some wood for the fire and to fill the pot for a stew. I was busy setting up the camp and chopping vegetables for our supper and finally began to realize that he had been gone longer than he should have. So I called out and when I didn't hear him reply, I went to see if I could find him, thinking maybe he was playing a prank on me. I didn't see him anywhere, until I went down to the river and saw the pot on the bank. Soon after, I caught sight of Frerin lying in the river and I ran to pull him out and he wasn't breathing. The rocks were slippery and I realized he must have fallen and hit his head for there was blood on his face. I drug him back to the bank and worked to get the water out of him. He came to quickly, thankfully, but we were both frightened, and I knew it could have been so much worse. He had a concussion from the head wound and he contracted a fever from being wet out in the cold, and we were worried about him for a few long days. Through that entire time, I blamed myself for what happened, knowing I should have gone out in the dark to fetch the water. I felt that I had failed my father and Frerin by letting him get hurt. But I realized eventually, that it could have happened anytime, under anyone's watch, and while I would probably always blame myself for anything that happened to my brother and sister on my watch or another's, that didn't mean it was always my fault, and it's not going to help them if you just sit around moping and blaming yourself. I can't stand seeing you boys hurt or sick, but I know it's going to happen and when it does, I know it's not going to help you to beat myself up about it. But you listen to me, Kili. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine, because you and Fili are my responsibility out here, and the blame is not yours, so I don't want you to worry about it, okay?"

"But what if Fili get's worse?" Kili mumbled. "It was still my arrow that hurt him in the first place!"

"He's strong, and he has you to get him through it," Thorin said firmly. "That's why you need to be strong too, for him. Fili doesn't blame you, and he doesn't want you to blame yourself either. Right now you just need to concentrate on getting well. You shouldn't have gone off like that in your condition."

"I know," Kili sniffed. "I just…he hurt _so bad_, Uncle. He was crying in his sleep, and I-I couldn't…" He shook his head. "I just had to do something."

"Well, there's not much harm done," Thorin told him with a small smile. "No more than was there already."

Kili shook his head. "But we're all stuck here now. Maybe you should go for help. Because if not, then we'll all die. If Fi dies, I just—Uncle, I don't think I could survive." He buried his face in his hands, and Thorin took pity on him and drew his unresponsive body up into his arms, rocking him gently.

"Shhh, it's all right. I know you were just doing what you thought was right. And I promise I will not let Fili die on my watch, do you understand? We are going to get off this mountain and home to your mother and then she'll give me hell for what I have put you through." He tried to smile as Kili sniffed. "You don't have to worry about a thing anymore, Kili. Just let me do it."

Kili raised his head and met Thorin's gaze. The look on his face made Thorin's eyes prick with tears. It was not entirely trusting, it was very nearly menacing, and Thorin's heart sank as he realized that Kili had still not entirely forgiven him. But on another note, perhaps that was a good thing. Maybe Kili's anger at him would keep him going, and might stop him blaming himself, because it _was_ all Thorin's fault after all. If there was any blame to lay, it was upon his head and his head alone.

"Promise?" Kili asked him firmly.

"I promise," Thorin vowed and prayed he would not have to break that promise. He pulled his nephew closer as Kili shuddered with exhaustion and grief. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from Thorin, going limp in his grasp. Reluctantly, Thorin lowered his nephew back onto his pallet to rest and stroked the hair from his face and took up a cloth to wipe off the sweat from the fever.

"Sleep," he whispered and Kili needed little bidding, already mostly out.

Thorin sat and watched his boys sleep with a bittersweet feeling. He certainly didn't deserve them, that was for sure. Now he only wished that their small moment of relative peace could last.

* * *

_Thorin dozed off_ for a few minutes until Fili woke him again with his tossing. Thorin started awake and bent over his nephew again, pressing him gently back on the pallet and trying to keep him still. He panted and when Thorin pressed a hand over his heart he found it beating fast but reedy against his palm.

"Fili," he whispered, stroking the young dwarf's hair gently with a trembling hand, and feeling his heat from where he sat beside him. He reached for the bowl of water again and tried to cool him off, but Fili only groaned and tried to curl onto his side, stopping with a sharp cry when his wound pained him.

Thorin couldn't stand to see the pitiful scene any more and simply drew Fili up into his arms and settled back against a log, cradling his nephew against his chest like he had when he was a babe. He bathed his chest and face constantly, willing the fever to go down, but it refused to break, and Fili's skin was so dry and hot, Thorin knew he needed to do something. He reached for the water skin and spent the better part of the next hour trying to get something into Fili. The young dwarf seemed too delirious to be able to drink, but Thorin continued to wet his lips, praying he would take the water eventually, and finally Fili opened his mouth and Thorin dribbled some water in and coaxed Fili to swallow it. He did this for a long time until he felt he had gotten enough into Fili for the moment. Then he just held him and rocked him gently as Fili slumped weakly against his chest, his head lolling on his shoulder.

"You can't give up on me, my brave one," Thorin whispered fiercely to him as tears threatened in his eyes. "You mustn't, do you understand? You can't leave Kili and you can't leave your mother. And you can't leave me either, because I won't have it." He gave a shuddering breath as he looked down into Fili's flushed face. "Please. Please just do this one thing for me."

Kili's groan startled him and he looked over to see the young dwarf frantically searching around the pallet for his brother's figure, and when he didn't find him, he tried to sit up and look around, but Thorin called out in caution as Kili folded over his broken ribs.

"Kili, he's here, just stay down," Thorin told him gently.

Kili looked over at Thorin's voice and when he saw his brother, he hauled himself over to Thorin and reached out to pull Fili from him, but Thorin refused to let him go and held Kili back with a hand to his shoulder.

"Leave him, Kili, he's very sick and so are you. You need to lay down."

"I need my brother!" Kili cried, a frantic look of fear and anger coming over his features. He grabbed Fili's arm, and tried to pull him from Thorin's grasp, but Thorin reached out and took Kili's chin in his hand and forced his face up to look at him.

"Kili, stop," he whispered and looked deep into the wide, dark eyes that were bright with fear and fever. "Just hush, you need to calm down." As Kili started to protest and struggle again, Thorin moved his hand to the back of his neck and held him still. "Shh. Just stay here with your brother and me. Come, Kili."

"I just want him," Kili said miserably, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I need him!" He slumped with his head on his brother's chest and Thorin pulled him against his side, glad Kili was not protesting now.

"I know, Kili," he said, stroking the dark head that now rested up against his chest. "It will all be better soon. You'll see. Just sleep now, my little one; sleep and everything will be all right when you wake up." Lies, he berated himself. It was all lies. But he hoped that maybe, if he wished it and believed it enough, it might turn out to be true.

Kili's labored breathing joined Fili's reedy breaths, and the pitiful sound caused the tears to finally spill from Thorin's eyes. He held them closer, wondering if he would lose them after all.

_No_, he shook his head firmly. _No, I will not lose them. I will not. Oh, Mahal take me before them, I beg it! If only they can be spared…_

He was about to join them in some semblance of slumber when he heard a sound out in the woods, like a voice on the wind. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Now his senses were playing cruel tricks on him. Could he not just rest in peace at least?

And then it came again, slightly louder. "_Thorin!_"

Could it actually be someone? He looked down at the boys in his arms and gently maneuvered them back onto the pallet. Kili whimpered and clutched at his brother tighter. Thorin put a hand on the back of his head to shush him.

"U-Uncle?" Kili whispered, his eyes cracking open.

Thorin offered him a smile. "Shh, Kili, just rest. I'll be right back."

He grabbed his sword and stood shakily, feeling suddenly dizzy. He swayed with a frown, and realized he hadn't eaten or hardly drunk anything since Fili had been wounded. He felt weak and sick, and he honestly hoped that if there was some enemy out there in the trees, that he would be a poor fighter, for Thorin wasn't sure how much he could take at the moment. How long had then even been up here? It seemed like weeks, but he knew it couldn't have been more than two or three days, maybe not even that.

He stumbled off onto the woods, his sword hanging limply by his side, and listened, again wondering if he had been hallucinating. It might well be the hunger, he decided.

He was about to turn back to the boys when he heard movement off to his right. He raised his sword and went off in search of whatever might be there.

He pushed past a leafy branch and almost ran smack into another figure coming in the opposite direction. Thorin was so startled that in his weakened state, his sword simply slipped out of his hand and he jerked backward with a cry of shock.

"Thorin!" the familiar voice said as hands grasped his forearms to keep him steady, holding him upright.

"Dwalin," Thorin breathed as relief flooded him and a grin found its way onto his features. "Thank Mahal!" And then everything just seemed to flow right out of him and his eyes rolled up into his head as he pitched forward into his friend's arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry about the wait for this chapter, I know I meant to get two up last weekend, but I just couldn't seem to get this one down and I was so busy this week, I was afraid that I wouldn't get this one up so soon, but here it is :) I hope you enjoy even though it's kind of a filler chapter. I'm definitely aiming to get another one up this weekend, so keep an eye out! Thanks again for all your support, I can never say enough how much it means to me!**

Chapter Eight

Thorin forced himself up from the darkness, knowing he couldn't allow himself that luxury yet. Not until they were back home. He could still feel Dwalin's strong arms around him, as he called to him, asking frantic questions Thorin knew he needed to answer. He drug in a deep breath and forced his eyes open, finding that he was now half lying on the ground unable to remember how he got there, propped against Dwalin's broad shoulder. His friend's free hand was searching his chest, looking for injuries, and Thorin finally mustered enough energy to shove his hand away.

"Stop," he growled. "I'm not the one who's hurt."

"You could fool me," Dwalin snorted angrily, which Thorin knew meant he was frightened. "You don't usually collapse like that."

"It's Fili who needs help. Get me up," Thorin grunted and with a stern look from Dwalin, which he returned with twice as much determination, the big dwarf finally sighed and helped him to his feet.

"Well, I'm not letting go of you until you can prove you can stand on your own," Dwalin grumbled and Thorin wasn't really in the mood to argue. Mostly because he wasn't entirely sure he _could_ stand on his own at the moment.

"Where are the lads, Thorin?" Dwalin asked, keeping him on track.

"Over here," Thorin pointed weakly.

Dwalin looked over his shoulder and shouted out. "Here lads! I found them!"

Thorin looked up at him gratefully. "You brought help, thank Mahal."

"Thorin, I'm not the one you're going to answer to. You know that, right?" Dwalin told him. "Your sister is having fits. When you didn't show up the night before last she insisted we go and see if something had happened to you. I'm glad I listened to her. I didn't really believe it at first. But knowing you, I should have suspected."

They came into the camp and Dwalin cursed as he saw both boys laying on the pallets, Kili flushed with the fever, and Fili pale all for the two bright red fever spots on his cheeks.

"What in Durin's name happened here?" Dwalin asked.

Before Thorin could reply several more pairs of feet tramped into the campsite and Thorin turned to see Bofur, Nori and Gloin come up.

"Oh, thank heavens," Bofur said with a weary smile as he took his hat from his head and wiped his brow. "We didn't know if we would fine you."

"All right, let's see what we can do to help the lads," Dwalin said, turning again to Thorin who had knelt to check on the boys. "Can we carry them?"

Thorin shook his head. "Kili, maybe, but Fili's wound wouldn't last the journey like that. If we can make a stretcher then that might work." He gave a terse report as to what happened and the four rescuers listened grimly, feeling the pain of Thorin and his nephews.

"I got an idea," Nori said. "We came make a couple sleds to carry them."

"That would work," Dwalin agreed with a nod. "Get to it lads." He sat down next to Thorin and looked sadly at the two sick boys sleeping restlessly on the pallets.

"I'm sorry, Thorin," he said quietly. "I should have come earlier."

"No, Dwalin, you're not to blame. This is all my fault. I was supposed to look after them, and now look what has happened." He lowered his head into one hand tiredly with a deep sigh. His head was swimming and he felt the relief as an emptiness gnawing at his insides. He finally realized it was hunger, belatedly making itself known, now that rescue had come.

"Thorin this wasn't your fault, you bloody idiot," Dwalin growled at him. "It was just an accident." He gripped him by the shoulder and looked worriedly into his face. "Are we going to have to make a sled for you too?"

Thorin turned to glare at him. "I will not let you drag me off this mountain."

Dwalin huffed. "Then you had best eat something. You look thin and exhausted. Knowing you, I'd say you probably haven't eaten or slept since this happened."

"I honestly don't know."

Dwalin gave him a longsuffering look. "Well, then let's get something into you before we hit the road, because I swear I will carry your stubborn arse off this mountain myself if you can't make it on your own two legs."

Thorin glowered at him but accepted the bread and cheese Dwalin gave him from his pack. The first couple bites were hard to get down, almost turning his stomach from the lack of food he had eaten in the past few days. But once those settled, he became ravenous and Dwalin gave him another cheese sandwich and then handed him a flask of ale, which Thorin gulped greedily, feeling it give him strength.

"There," Dwalin told him in satisfaction. "Now I'll let you walk down the mountain."

It was then that Kili groaned and Thorin went to his side, bending over him and pushing the hair from his brow. Kili's eyes fluttered.

"U-Uncle?" he groaned.

"I'm here, Kili," Thorin said, actually managing a smile. "And guess who came to get us? Dwalin's going to get you and Fili back down the mountain."

Kili looked around with a frown as if wondering if it was a dream, but when he saw Dwalin he burst into tears of relief and Dwalin's heart clenched with pity for the lad who was normally so brave. He reached over and put a hand on Kili's shoulder, squeezing comfortingly.

"It's all right, lad, you'll be back home with your mum in no time."

"Fili," Kili whimpered, looking over at his brother who had not woken.

"We'll get him to your Uncle Oin," Dwalin assured him. "Don't you worry lad."

Thorin felt a slight pang for the fact that Kili seemed more reassured by the sight of Dwalin than he did by him. Although it was understandable since Dwalin was their rescuer, Thorin was afraid it was still Kili's lingering bad feelings towards him. But he supposed that there would be time to reconcile that later after everyone was safe and on the road to recovery.

"Dwalin, we finished the sleds!" Gloin cried and he and Bofur and Nori came out of the surrounding wood with two crude sleds that they had padded with pine bows.

Dwalin turned to Kili and smiled at him. "See, lad? You and your brother get to ride down in style. No need to walk."

They brought the first sled over and Thorin stepped away so Dwalin could lift Kili and lay him as gently as possible on the sled after Bofur had taken his bedroll and put it on top of the pine bows. Kili gave a grunt of pain as Dwalin jostled his ribs, but he settled comfortably enough and Bofur kindly tucked his blanket and coat around him, making sure he was warm.

"Don't you worry, lad," the kind dwarf said with a broad smile. "You'll be safe at home before long."

Kili's eyes were still glued to Fili as Thorin bent to help Dwalin lift him up, and he suddenly cried out, "No, I want Dwalin to do it!"

Dwalin frowned at Thorin but the other dwarf wouldn't meet his eyes. He just sighed and nodded to Dwalin as he stepped away from his elder nephew. Dwalin shook his head, giving Thorin a _you can tell me later_ look before he simply scooped Fili up and deposited him as gently as possible on the other sled. He moaned a bit and his head rolled against Dwalin's chest as he settled him down, but besides that, he made no indication of waking up. His fever was still burning. Dwalin looked worried as he placed the back of his hand on the blond dwarf's cheek. "He's fever's pretty high."

"I know, it's been like that since the first night," Thorin said quietly.

Nori and Gloin had been packing up the other things and finally they were ready to leave. Dwalin took up the rope for Fili's sled and looked questioningly over at Thorin. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine." Thorin replied. He was anything but fine, but he did think he could manage to walk down the mountain. Physically, he felt much better after the meal; he had more energy, at least, but he was still so very sick at heart. Yes, he was eternally glad that they had been rescued, but now came the hard part. Facing Dis, and telling her what had happened to her boys.

And then, trying to figure out how to reconcile things with Kili if it were at all possible to do so.

So it was, indeed, with a heavy heart that he set out down the mountain.


	9. Chapter 9

**Yay! I actually got the chapter up tonight! I was afraid it wasn't going to work out, but I just wrestled with it until it turned out. I don't really know how many more chapters this story will have. It seems nearly done to me, but the muse might have other ideas :P Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter Nine

There were times on their way down the mountain that Thorin was sure it would tax every limit of his strength, but somehow he kept going, egged on by Dwalin's glares that Thorin knew was how his friend showed worry and warning all in one. He knew that if he was to keep whatever was left of his dignity intact, he could not allow himself to falter now.

Fili was still unconscious, and had not woken again apart from a few fevered ramblings since they had started out. Kili drifted in and out of his fevered state, and Thorin figured it was probably only to check on his brother, because for all intents and purposes, Kili should have been out. Once he tired to help him drink when they stopped for a break and Kili nearly refused but Thorin finally got him to drink something, only after promising he would try and get Fili to drink some as well.

Dwalin looked up at the sky, seeing the late afternoon light shining through the trees. "Do you think it might be wise to stop here for the night and carry on tomorrow?" he asked the others quietly, but was mostly addressing Thorin.

"No!" Kili cried instantly, startling Dwalin with the strength his voice carried. "No, we can't stop any longer here. I want to get off this damned mountain!"

"Kili," Thorin said gently, trying to shush him. "It might be best to stay here. It will be dark soon and we will be cutting it close getting home before the sun sets. You wouldn't want another accident to happen while we're trying to get you and Fili down in the dark, do you?"

Kili glared at him with an intensity that Thorin was actually impressed he could muster. "I knew you didn't care enough to get Fili home! This proves it! After all you've already done to him, you won't even let us go home even when it's in sight!" He started sobbing, leaving Thorin and the other dwarves staring at him in shock, though Thorin not quite so much. Bofur bent to put a hand on Kili's shoulder, trying to calm him.

"Don't say that, Kili, you're uncle cares for you very much, and that's why he's worried about taking unnecessary risks."

"Thorin," Dwalin began and then shut his mouth. Thorin looked down at Kili's tear-streaked face as he glowered up at him, and shook his head with a sigh.

"Let's continue on," he said firmly. "But if you feel in the least uncomfortable about the path, Dwalin, we will stop."

Dwalin nodded, throwing his hands up as if he didn't know what to think. "All right, then, let's go on, lads."

Nori and Gloin took over pulling the sleds, and Dwalin put a hand against Thorin's chest to hold him back before they continued out of earshot of the others and he finally turned to his friend with a frown.

"All right, Thorin, what's going on between you and Kili? I have never heard him speak to you with such disrespect."

"That's hardly the half of it, Dwalin," Thorin said tiredly, and was suddenly very glad he had someone to confide in before he got back to Dis and he told Dwalin what exactly had happened that had led them to such dire straits, sparing few of the details. "What we went through… it was just too much too soon for Kili, and very nearly too much for me. We…we both said things that shouldn't have been said. But I can't seem to bring him around again. He doesn't understand that what I had to do was to save Fili. He was too much in shock, and wasn't thinking straight and he was so scared for his brother, not to mention suffering from a heavy case of self-blame. I've almost begun to believe it myself, Dwalin. Maybe I didn't do the right thing; I know at least I didn't go about it the right way, but I could hardly think for myself at the time. I just don't know what to think right now. It was, above everyone else, my fault. They were my charge after all."

"Thorin, you can't blame yourself for this anymore than Kili can. You did what you had to do to save Fili's life, and—well—while a few of your actions might have been ill-advised, I probably would have done the same thing in your place, so I can't blame you for them. The real reason your guilt is eating at you is because of Kili's reaction, and that's not fair of him. It's not fair of him to put all the burden on you either. But don't blame yourself for it. It's almost over now, and Fili is still alive and he'll be fine as soon as we get him home to Dis."

"In truth, it's not Fili I'm worried about anymore," Thorin said grimly. "I'm just afraid of what Kili will do if he doesn't improve quickly enough."

Dwalin's big hand descended on his shoulder. "You need to stop worrying about that for now, all right? Just let me do the worrying. Now, do you want a piggy-back ride down the rest of the mountain while you take a nap?"

"Bite me," Thorin growled and strode ahead of Dwalin even though he was feeling exhausted enough to drop straight onto his face. He only hoped unconsciousness would stay away until he had gotten to speak with Dis.

* * *

_The sun was just setting_ as they made it into the town. Thorin nearly wept with relief, staggering to a halt and nearly falling to his knees, which had begun to shake.

"Thank Mahal," he whispered before he felt Dwalin's arm around his waist and realized he had been about to topple over.

"Are you all right?" Dwalin asked, settling him back on his feet, but keeping a cautionary arm around his shoulders.

"Just a little bit farther," Thorin whispered more to himself than Dwalin and forced one foot in front of the other as they made their way to the house he shared with Dis and the boys.

The light was on in the kitchen and he tried to slip away from Dwalin to go to the door alone, but Dwalin was having none of it, keeping a hand firmly under his elbow. Thorin growled a curse at him, but didn't argue—a testament as to how poor a condition he was really in.

He knocked on the door and it was flung open in less than a second by his sister, gasping when she saw Thorin standing there with Dwalin, before her eyes flitted about a second later in search of her boys.

"Thorin, where they? Where are my boys?" she asked.

"They're here, Dis," Thorin told her tiredly, leaning more heavily against Dwalin as Dis pushed her way past him. "They'll—they'll be fine, but—"

Dis gasped as she saw her boys on the sleds and ran to them, looking from one to the other as if unsure of who to see to first.

"What happened?" she breathed.

"It was an accident," Thorin said. "They—they fell down a gorge."

Kili woke first, hearing her voice and whimpered when he saw his mother, reaching out for her. "Mum," he cried, fresh tears of relief running down his cheeks. Dis gripped his hand and bent to press kisses to his cheeks, reaching out to gather him against her in just the right way to offer comfort but not to hurt him.

"Oh, Kili, my baby," she cried, weeping on his neck. "Are you all right?"

"Take c-care of Fi first," Kili sniffed into her shoulder. "He's hurt wo-worse than m-me."

Dis seemed reluctant to let Kili go but she cast another glance at her elder son and back to Thorin.

"How bad?" she asked.

"He's lost a bit of blood." Thorin said. "Wound in his side. He needs to get warm, and—and something f-for the fever." He felt Dwalin's arm tightening around him while he wavered, shaking his head to clear it. _Not yet!_

"I'll go fetch my brother," Gloin said and hurried off to find Oin.

"Help me get them to their beds," Dis commanded and Bofur and Nori snapped to, taking Kili up between them and Dwalin brought Thorin inside first, propping him against the wall before he went back out and bent to gather Fili up, looking down sadly at the blond dwarf laying limply in his arms. Dis choked on a sob, covering her mouth with her hand as she hovered behind Dwalin as he carried Fili into the boys' room where Nori and Bofur were laying Kili down on his bed and they put Fili on the one opposite. There was a bit of a row when Kili refused to be parted from Fili, but Dwalin and Dis urged him that it was best they stay in their own beds for now while Oin looked after their wounds and the fever persisted.

"I won't hurt him, I promise!" Kili cried. "Don't take him away from me! I'm the only one who can take care of him!"

Dis soothed him as well as she could, trying to reassure him. Thorin listened to it all from the doorway, not even going into the room. Dis looked up and met his eye once, and he could not read her expression fully.

Finally, Dwalin caught sight of him standing there and went to drag him out and sit him at the kitchen table. Bofur and Nori followed.

"I gotta go," Nori said a bit awkwardly.

"Thank you, Nori," Thorin said quietly.

"Is there anything I can do?" Bofur asked with a kind smile.

"That's all right, Bofur," Dwalin said. "Why don't you go home too. Oin will be here soon, and I'll see to things until then. Thanks for your help."

Bofur nodded and grabbed his hat. "I hope the lads are better soon," he said sincerely before he left.

Just as he was going out the door, Oin came in, out of breath, with his medical bag flopping across his shoulder. This certainly wasn't the first time he had had to run to their house on short notice.

"Thorin, thank Mahal you and the lads are back," he said as he caught sight of the weary dwarf sitting at the table. He gave him a judging gaze. "I'll be looking at you later, I'm thinking."

"I'm fine, see to the boys," Thorin said testily.

Oin went into the room and greeted Dis who gave a sigh of relief. Thorin groaned slightly and started to stand up from the table. "I should go and tell him what happened."

"No, stay," Dwalin told him, pressing him back into the chair none-too-gently. "You told me everything Oin needs to know. I'll relay it to him."

He left the kitchen and a few minutes later, Dis was sent from the room and Thorin was left facing her alone, what he had dreaded since the accident, but he knew he had to get it over with, especially before he passed out. He stood up to greet her, having to steady himself on the back of the chair.

"Dis," he began with a sigh, but she turned to him with a glare.

"What in Durin's name happened, Thorin?" she cried. He knew she was trying to keep her voice down, but still it was louder than it could have been. "You said it was just a hunting trip—nothing dangerous! But you bring my boys back like that? Fili more dead than alive and Kili practically out of his mind?!"

"I know, Dis," he said tiredly, resolutely. "I can't even begin to say how sorry I am. And I know even then that it will do no good."

She shook her head and leaned on the table, taking deep breaths, her eyes closed and her head hanging between her shoulders. Thorin wanted nothing but to comfort his baby sister, but he thought she might shove him away, and he wasn't sure he could take that right now.

"I take full responsibility for what happened, Dis," he said quietly, even though he knew it was doing no good. "It was never meant to have happened like this."

"Thorin, please," she whispered and several tears fell onto the table top.

"I don't know what to say, Dis," Thorin said in a pained voice. "You know I'm terrible at this."

"Oh Thorin," she sobbed, and suddenly turned around and threw herself against her brother's chest, clutching her hands into his tunic and sobbing. Thorin wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close to him as he rested his cheek on the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to her, his tears dripping down into her hair.

"Oh, I know it's not your fault," she sobbed. "They were likely playing around. I see that if anything I owe their lives to you. I know you're doing more damage to yourself than anyone else could do, and I'm sorry for what I said. I don't blame you, Thorin."

"You should," he whispered wretchedly.

This time Dis pulled back and reached up to take his face between her hands. "Oh please don't, Thorin. Please don't do this. If we're going to get those boys better, you can't hate yourself. They are alive, Thorin! That is enough for now."

"Alive, but undamaged?" Thorin shook his head. "I fear I have broken Kili beyond repair."

"Nothing is ever broken beyond repair," she told him. "Not when it comes to family."

Thorin forced a small smile for her benefit, but he found he could hardly stand anymore. Dis saw it and she helped lower him back into his seat, kneeling on the floor beside him and taking his hands in hers.

"You're not well," she said with her usual perceptiveness. "Oh Thorin, you haven't done a thing to take care of yourself have you, you idiot!"

"Had to l-look after the b-boys," he said, slumping forward further. Dis wrapped an arm around his shoulders to keep him from falling on the floor and called for Dwalin. Thorin cursed and she glared at him.

Dwalin came out and when he saw Thorin sagging against his will, he hurried over and took his face in one hand, turning it up to see Thorin's fierce glare.

"Don't you dare carry me," he growled.

Dwalin rolled his eyes. "Then prove you can stand."

Thorin used Dwalin's forearm to haul himself upright while Dis watched with her arms folded over her chest. He gave one last glare and took a step by himself, resulting in his immediate introduction to the floor.

Dwalin bent over him with a weary growl as Thorin burned with shame and rolled him onto his back, bending over to maneuver him over his shoulder.

"Just try to be reasonable for once in your life Thorin Oakenshield," he said with a sigh and Thorin was only vaguely away of being hefted over his friend's shoulder and deposited into his bed before he lost his battle with unconsciousness and finally allowed it to take him under.


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's an extra long chapter to start off your weekend! This one took me forever to figure out, but I think I finally got there lol :P We're not too far from the end of the story now, I'm thinking maybe two to three chapters to go. I know I'll post at least one more this weekend so keep an eye out! For now, enjoy :)**

Chapter Ten

Dis sat with the boys while Oin saw to their wounds. She was frightened to see how pale and thin Fili was after Oin had to cut off his tunic to see to the wound in his side. He frowned after long consideration and finally told Dis he would need to open it to make sure Fili wasn't bleeding on the inside still. Dis nodded solemnly and called for Dwalin to help hold Fili down.

Oin dosed him with something to keep him asleep, but he still flinched as the healer went to work with his knife and Dis sat on the bed, clutching Fili's hand in hers the whole time, trying to soothe him as he shuddered.

"It's almost over darling," she whispered to him as Oin stitched up the wound again with a satisfied nod.

"Nothing damaged," he said with a smile in Dis direction. "I hated to have to do it, but I wanted to make sure that he was all right. It's better to be safe than sorry. Now we need to get his fever down, and I've got a medicine that should do the trick."

He mixed up a concoction and Dis held Fili's head up while he administered it. It took a while for Fili to get it down, but he finally swallowed it all and seemed to rest more easily, turning his face against his mother's breast and curling slightly against her as if he were still a babe. Dis held him gently and stroked his fevered brow with a cool cloth, kissing his forehead.

"My babies," she whispered with a wavering voice. Oin rested a kind hand on her shoulder.

"I give you my word as a healer that they will be well, Dis. Don't you worry about a thing." And he went over to finish with Kili who was finally mercifully unconscious, seeming to have lost all his strength now that he was home.

Once Dis knew Fili was deeply asleep, she slid from under him, pulling the battered old quilt higher up around his shoulders and slid off the bed, going over to check on Kili before she slipped out of the room.

Dwalin was sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea. When he saw her come in, he quickly stood up and poured her another cup.

Dis took it gratefully and sat down with a tired sigh, running a hand over her face. "You should go home, Dwalin," she said.

He shook his head. "If it doesn't make any difference to you, Dis, I think I'll stay here in case you need help with the boys. Or Thorin." He nodded to the room down the hall where Thorin was still passed into oblivion.

Dis nodded wearily. "Thank you, Dwalin."

"I'm just glad we found them when we did," the big dwarf said, shaking his head. "They've been through a lot. Kili, well, Thorin says he's suffering from a big dose of self blame for what happened, but he also blames Thorin for Fili's worsened condition."

"He did what he had to," Dis said. "It might have been harsh, but he kept my boy alive. I'll have to talk to Kili when he wakes up."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Dwalin said warily. "It might cause him to shut everyone out. He's in a really bad way. He wouldn't even let Thorin touch Fili when we were loading them up to head down the mountain."

Dis buried her face in her hands and heaved a deep sigh. "I just can't believe this happened, Dwalin. Why is it that whenever we think something will be perfectly fine, it always turns into such a catastrophe?"

Dwalin reached across the table and laid his hand over hers comfortingly. "It will be okay, Dis. The boys will be fine as Oin said."

"I know they'll be fine physically," Dis told him. "But will they be able to repair the rift between them? My brother is the only father they have, Dwalin. If this has ruined their relationship, who will they look up to and use as a role model now?"

"Those boys adore Thorin, Kili most of all," Dwalin assured her firmly. "You know that, Dis. Whatever they're going through now, will likely blow over after the fevers are gone and everyone has a chance to talk things out. I think Kili's reaction was mostly bourn of fear and stress and his own injuries. You know how he often is hasty and says things he doesn't mean, and then comes back all meek when he has the time to think it over."

Dis smiled slightly. "I hope you're right, Dwalin. It's just…they've never really gone through something this bad before. I'm worried it might have damaged them permanently, and not because of the physical wounds."

"Well, there's no reason to worry about it until we see where everyone stands," Dwalin assured her. "And what they live through can only make them stronger, after all."

"I do hope so," Dis said, still with a strain of anxiety as she looked through the open door to the boys' room and watched them sleeping. She really did hope those boys would get through this without too much damage. Thorin included.

* * *

_Thorin woke very slowly_ the next morning, with the light streaming down on his face. For a moment he couldn't recall where he was, thinking he was still on the mountain, and he didn't want to open his eyes back to that hell; but then he felt warm and dry, and comfortable, and when he finally found the courage to crack his eyes open, he realized with relief that he was back in his own room and his own bed, and remembered Dwalin coming to their rescue. Oin would have seen to the boys by now, they were finally being taken care of properly. He said a prayer of thanks and then shifted on the bed, so that his legs were hanging over the side and made to slide off.

It was a bad idea, something he realized after he found his cheek acquainted with the floor. He groaned.

There were footsteps outside the door and then it opened, followed by a deep chuckle. Thorin uttered a curse and tried to lever himself onto his elbows, but Dwalin was already standing over him, helping him up.

"Well, I thought you might sleep a little longer, but you didn't quite miss breakfast. Now I guess I can't have a second portion," Dwalin told him with a grin.

"The boys?" Thorin asked, unable to think of anything else until he knew if they were all right.

"Sleeping peacefully," Dwalin said. "Fili's fever broke this morning early and he woke up enough to drink some tea. Dis is taking care of them now. You can see them as soon as you have some breakfast. And a bath." He wrinkled his nose. "Because you really need one. Dis was reluctant to let you sleep in the bed last night but I insisted you needed it, even if we'd have to burn the sheets afterward."

Thorin grumbled, but could hardly protest. A bath, he had to admit, would be incredibly nice. Dwalin led him into the washroom where a tub was already full and steaming and finally allowed Thorin to stand on his own.

"Think you can manage?" he asked.

Thorin turned a glare on him that could melt rock. "I do not need your assistance. You can go."

Dwalin left and Thorin spent a good ten minutes just struggling out of his filthy mud caked clothing before he left it on a pile on the floor, and sank gratefully into the hot water with a contented groan. He scrubbed at his skin, more vigorously than he probably should have, but he wanted every trace of the mountain gone from him. He remembered his hands covered in Fili's blood, and didn't want any vestige of that left. When he had scrubbed the grime from his body, he scooted back and dunked his whole head under for a long moment until he had to come up for air, enjoying the utter silence of being underwater. How renewing it felt. He came back up and scrubbed his hair until it was clean and then stayed in the tub until the water got cold, and he decided it was probably time to get out.

He stood carefully, not wanting to risk slipping and having Dwalin come barging in—that would just add insult to injury—and toweled off before turning to the clean clothes someone had left for him. He dressed in the trousers and shirt and went back outside to see Dwalin sitting at the table with a mug. The dwarf made to stand, but Thorin waved him down.

"I'm fine," he said, and wasn't lying entirely. The bath had gone a long way to restoring his body. He thought the breakfast would help that along even more, and seeing the boys would put him straight on the road to recovery.

He sat across from Dwalin and dutifully dug into the plate in front of him. Dwalin watched for a few moments as if making sure he wasn't faking and then finally looked up as Dis came back into the room, a tired smile on her face as she saw Thorin up.

"Thorin, how are you feeling?" she asked, touching his forehead as if he were one of her boys and he batted her hand away half-heartedly.

"Not fevered. I'm fine, Dis," he told his sister with a sigh, as he saw the worried look in her eye. "I promise."

"He just needed a good night sleep in a real bed," Dwalin provided.

"Well, you certainly smell better," Dis said, turning before Thorin could see the smirk forming, but knew it was there from long experience.

"How are the boys?" he asked again.

Dis turned around and leaned against the counter. "Resting. Fili wants to see you. Kili hasn't woken up again yet, his fever is still being stubborn, but Fili's is almost gone, and though he's very weak, he's mostly out of danger. Oin is coming by later to see them again."

Thorin nodded. He finished his breakfast and then decided he would go see Fili if he was awake. He didn't know if he would be, but he wanted to see them anyway just to reassure himself, and told Dis he would sit with them for a while.

As he walked into the room though, Fili's eyes opened and he looked over at Thorin with a small smile on his lips.

"Uncle," he said, his voice painfully weak, as he held out a pale hand. Thorin strode over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, taking the proffered hand gently in his and reaching down with his other to smooth away the hair from Fili's pale face.

"Fili," he whispered, his throat constricting with relief. "I'm so glad you're feeling better. I thought—I thought I would lose you out there." He bowed his head, his eyes closed, unable to look at his nephew, his heir, the boy who was more like a son to him than anything, as he lay there so broken looking. Fili's fingers clenched tighter around his own.

"Please, Uncle, don't blame yourself," Fili told him. "I can't stand it when you do that. You and Kili both, you're so much alike, but you have to stop it." Thorin looked up at him again, seeing the pain that went far beyond the physical in Fili's eyes. "It was no one's fault. It was just an accident, and those happen. I don't blame you, you weren't even there! And what you had to do to-to help me," Fili faltered and Thorin squeezed his hand tighter. "The only reason I was mad at all was because it was scaring Kili. I wasn't really mad at you, Uncle. I just…I couldn't stand it; seeing him like that."

"I know, Fili and I am so sorry you and your brother had to go through that. You'll never know how sorry I truly am," Thorin said, stroking a thumb gently across the pale cheek as a tear leaked down it. "I wished every day it was me and not you."

Fili shook his head vehemently at that. "I don't," he said firmly. "Because I don't think I would have had the courage to do what you did for me."

Thorin just looked at him, shocked. "There was no courage involved, Fili. It was the most horrible cowardly thing I have ever done it my life. Holding you down…taking the arrow out." He shuddered again just thinking of it and then found that Fili's hand was clutched in the front of his tunic, pulling him down to look him face to face. His blue eyes were serious and held no guile, no anger, simply respect like they always had, but so much deeper now than before.

"You're wrong," he said simply. "You just did what was needed, Uncle Thorin. And you did a damn sight more than most men would have done. You did the only thing you could and I owe my life to you, and I will never forget that for a second." His eyes filled with tears again, and he pulled his uncle closer until his hand rested on the back of his neck, still warm from fever. "I forgive you, Uncle," he said softly, almost pleadingly. "Now forgive yourself."

And Thorin couldn't help himself anymore. The tears building up in his eyes, finally fell, and he gently pulled his nephew up against his chest, feeling Fili's hands clutch into the back of his shirt as he pressed his face into the side of Thorin's neck. So big now, Thorin could hardly fit him in his lap anymore, but the scene was no different from when he had held a sick or hurt dwarfling in the past. It was painful to feel how frail Fili's body was, all sharp edges now as he shook with relieved sobs, but he was getting better now. And he had forgiven Thorin, which was more than he could do for himself.

But he had to now. Fili had practically made him vow to do so, without saying so many words. It just seemed that Thorin could never really forgive himself until Kili had done so too, otherwise the guilt would still eat at him.

He held Fili until he fell asleep again, exhausted and he settled him back against the pillows and tucked the blankets tight around him. He was just standing up when a moan came from the other bed and Thorin looked over to see Kili tossing. He crossed the two steps to the younger brother's bed and bent over to touch Kili's shoulder, comfortingly smoothing the hair from his face.

"Kili, shhhh," he murmured soothingly.

Kili moaned again and turned around, opening fevered eyes to stare at his uncle. He closed them again as he turned his head away.

"Please go away," he whispered. "I want to sleep."

Thorin sighed in defeat, knowing it was going to take a while yet before he could coax Kili back to his senses. The fever needed to be gone first, he thought, at least then, maybe Kili could think straight. He couldn't resist one last touch on the soft cheek though before he left, bending down to whisper into Kili's ear, "I will be there when you need me, Kili." And then he straightened up and left the room.

* * *

_Kili vaguely heard his uncle_ in his fevered dreams. He knew what he needed to do, but everything was so jumbled in his mind that he wasn't sure anymore what he should do. He couldn't recall everything that happened. Only Fili is pain and Thorin the one hurting him, Thorin forcing Kili to muffle Fili's screams and shoving him back when he was trying to go to his brother's aid as he heard Fili's anguish. Whether it was all true, he didn't know, didn't want to believe it, but he didn't know any differently. He didn't know what to believe right now. Nothing seemed right anymore; he just wanted his brother and no one would let him have him. He moaned and turned around and saw Fili sleeping peacefully in the bed across the room. If he could just get to him it would be all right.

He slid over to the side of his bed, putting first one leg and then the other over the side. He couldn't really sit up, his side hurt too much for that, but he slid over, clutching the blankets until his feet touched the floor, and then he slid the rest of the way off the bed, but when he tried to get to his feet, his leg ached horribly, and as he stumbled, his ribs were jerked around, and he found himself falling onto the floor, crying out in pain, tears streaming down his cheeks as he fought to catch his breath.

The door was flung open and his mother was kneeling over him, crying out as she gently pulled him into her arms and checked him for injuries. Kili vaguely saw blood on the floor and felt something wet dripping from his nose. It hurt; he must have bashed his face on the way down.

Then he heard Fili's voice, and he looked around frantically, searching for his brother.

"Kili?"

"Shh, Fili, it's all right, try to go back to sleep. Your brother just took a spill." Then Dis turned back to Kili, but that wasn't what he wanted. "What's wrong sweetheart? Do you need to use the bathroom?"

Kili shook his head, struggling out of her grip. "No!" he said angrily. How come no one knew what he wanted? Dis was startled and nearly dropped him. Two more figures came into the room and Kili saw one was Dwalin and the other was Thorin. He was somewhat afraid, even though he didn't want to be. He really did want his uncle, wanting him to hold him in his strong arms like he had when Kili was little. But he also didn't know if he could trust Uncle Thorin right now. Not like he used to. But the look of pain and sorrow on his uncle's face seemed to argue that point with him. Kili closed his eyes, letting the tears flow. He was just so confused.

"Kili, please, what's wrong?" Dis asked. Thorin took a step forward and Kili suddenly opened his eyes again, his need to see his brother making him frantic.

"I j-just w-want Fi," he said softly, his throat too tight.

"Your brother's right here," Dis assured him with a smile, stroking his face as she started to position him to get him up. "Let's get you back to bed. You need your rest."

"No!" Kili struggled, stronger this time, wriggling out of Dis' arms and falling on his hands and knees on the floor. "I need Fili!"

"Mum," Fili said pleadingly.

"Kili you can't stay with your brother, you might hurt him in your sleep," Thorin said. Kili looked up at him with as harsh a glare as he could muster.

"Since when do you care?" he snarled.

"Kili, you will not speak to your uncle that way!" Dis snapped at him and he sat back against the bed, startled.

"Mum, he hurt Fili, he shouldn't even be in here!" Kili said, trying to make her understand. Trying to make sense of what had happened in his own mind. He had known Thorin all his life, how could he hurt him or his brother? He had been a father to them—maybe he remembered wrong? But the mention of Fili and his uncle together, just made him think of Fili screaming in pain, and blood on his uncle's hands…and on his own, put there when Thorin forced his hand over Fili's mouth. It made his heart ache to think it, but he knew it was true.

"That's it," Dwalin growled and pushed Dis lightly out of the way as he crouched in front of Kili and took his chin in his hand so the young dwarf would look at him. "You have no right to say that, boy. Thorin saved your brother's life, and you had better thank him for that. Now you do what your mother says and get back to bed."

"I just want Fili, why won't you let me see him!" Kili cried, scared that maybe his brother wasn't really there. That they were all lying to him.

"Mum, please," there was Fili's voice again. Kili looked but Dwalin was in his way. "Just let him stay in my bed; he'll just get sicker like this."

"Please I won't hurt him," Kili pleaded, glad at least someone understood him. Fili always understood him. "I just want Fi."

"Mum," Fili pleaded again. "He's so anxious right now, can't you see it will only make him worse?"

Dis looked to Dwalin and then Thorin who nodded slightly. Dis relented and Dwalin sighed and reached down to pick Kili up. Kili breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Fili lying in his own bed, pale and sick looking, but still there. Dwalin lay Kili down on the other side of the bed, and Fili smiled at him, reaching out a hand to pull his little brother closer. Kili went without coaxing and curled up against Fili's uninjured side, whimpering in relief as he buried his face in his brother's shirt, breathing in his comforting scent. Fili looked up at his mother and uncle and Dwalin.

"Thank you, I'll keep him safe," he promised. "He won't hurt me."

Dis sighed and kissed both her boys before leaving them alone. Kili finally felt safe as he snuggled up to his brother, forgetting that he was almost an adult and reverting back to when he was only a dwarfling.

Thorin stayed and watched them for a couple seconds, and met Fili's eyes silently, before he turned and closed the door behind him. Fili carded a hand through Kili's hair soothingly and rested his cheek on the top of his little brother's head.

"You get your rest, Kili," he whispered quietly. "Because we've got some things to talk about when you wake up."

But Kili was already asleep, breathing deeply, his fever already seeming to have gone down, and Fili wasn't far behind, though he still thought about how he needed badly to repair things between his brother and his uncle.


	11. Chapter 11

**Here's the next chapter! Hope you all like it. I'm thinking one more wrap up chapter before the story is over, so keep an eye out for that. Until then, thanks again for all the support I you have offered. Reviews are always so lovely to get, so thank you so much! :)**

Chapter Eleven

Fili lay watching his brother sleep with a sigh. It had been three days now since they had been back home. He was feeling much better now, had been able to sit up that morning and eat his breakfast by himself. His side still hurt, but as long as he didn't try to move too much, it didn't pain him too horribly.

Kili's head lay against his chest, one hand loosely clutching his shirt, as it always had been when he was a dwarfling. Fili smiled fondly at that thought and reached up to run his fingers through his brother's tangled hair. It was grimy with the fever sweat as was the rest of Kili, but he didn't care. He had his little brother with him and that meant everything was all right.

Kili's fever had finally broken in the middle of the night. Fili was insanely relieved. It had been too long since he had been coherent, and though he had allowed himself to be comforted by Fili's presence he had still woken in the throws of horrible nightmares more often than not. Now however, he slept peacefully and Fili was thankful for it. He hadn't wanted to admit how much Kili's breakdown several days ago now had affected him. He knew it was the fever, but he was so scared for Kili, and had been since the accident. It didn't matter whether he was injured to the point of death, he would always worry about his little brother, try and fix what was wrong with him. But that also meant that he had to make sure Kili was doing the right thing too, and he had been shocked and saddened by Kili's reaction to their uncle. It was unfounded and, though Fili understood where he was coming from, and how his feelings were only amplified by the fever, he also knew that it could not go on. He saw how it was tearing his uncle apart, walking on eggshells around them, and that was something Fili could not allow. Thorin didn't deserve that, not after everything he had been through. Every time Kili looked at him with fear and even sometimes hatred in his eyes, Fili watched painfully as it broke a little piece of his uncle apart, and it was even worse when Kili refused to look at him at all.

Fili sighed and settled down in the bed, drawing his brother close against him and resting his chin against Kili's head. He closed his eyes to try and get a bit of rest, but Kili chose that moment to stir and Fili was wide awake again, sitting up slightly to look down at his brother.

Kili moaned and his eyes flickered open, the hand clutched in Fili's shirt tightening as he took stock of his surroundings. He eventually looked up and saw his brother.

"Fi?" he whispered.

Fili smiled at him and put a gentle hand on his cheek. "I'm here, Ki. How do you feel?"

Kili spent a moment taking stock of his body and finally shrugged. "Sore, tired. I guess I'm all right though. My head kind of hurts."

"You've been fevered for days, Ki; stubborn thing wouldn't let go," Fili told him with a smile but couldn't quite keep the relief out of his voice that his brother seemed coherent. "Do you remember what happened?"

Kili went blank again but finally nodded. "Yes. Some of it's patchy, but I-I think I remember."

Fili nodded, wanting to push the matter, and not wanting to push it all at the same time. Instead he reached to the side table and took up a glass of water. "How about a drink?"

Kili nodded eagerly and Fili helped him sit up against him and take a few sips of the water. He seemed to look better after that and resettled himself against Fili with a comfortable sigh. Fili couldn't help a grin as he tugged a lock of Kili's hair playfully.

"You going to just make yourself welcome?" he asked. "I can't move at all?"

"You shouldn't move, you're hurt, I'm keepin' you safe," Kili told him sternly and his lips curved up in a smile, something that went a long way to warming Fili's heart. "I jus wanna sleep now."

"All right," Fili relented and watched as his brother settled more comfortably against him and finally decided to do the same as he listened to Kili's stable breathing.

This time as he was attempting to close his eyes, the door opened a crack and Dis peeked in. Fili smiled at her and nodded to Kili. "He was just awake. I gave him some water, but he's still tired from the fever."

She nodded as she came into the room and felt Kili's brow with a satisfied expression. "Well, at least it seems to have completely gone. About time too. His wounds were hardly that bad. I suppose it was the anxiety more than anything."

Fili nodded, unconsciously holding his little brother closer in a protective gesture. Dis saw it and sat on the side of the bed, brushing her hand gently over Fili's cheek. "I'm just glad my boys are feeling better. You scared me to death when Dwalin brought you two and Thorin back more dead than alive." She shook her head and Fili took her hand in his.

"Please don't, mother. I don't want you to think about it anymore," he said pleadingly.

"I won't stop thinking about it until everyone is better," she said adamantly and cast a quick glance back out the slightly open door. "You just…" she stopped, sighed and went on. "Do what you can about your brother and Thorin. I can't stand seeing my brother like that. Kili isn't going to listen to any of us. It's all about you, Fili, about his need to protect you, so you have to be the one to talk to him about Thorin."

Fili nodded. "I know. I'm hoping that with the fever gone, he might just have forgotten about it."

Dis stared at him levelly. "Even if that's the case, he needs to apologize to Thorin. Things like that, between family, can't just be forgotten and blown away on the wind. If they're not reconciled they eat at you."

"I know, mum," Fili said. "I promise I will do what I can. I will make sure Kili apologizes to Thorin, but it needs to be of his own free will, because otherwise it will not mean a thing, and the resentment will still be there, and I don't want that. I don't care how long it takes, but I swear it will be done."

Dis nodded slightly and then stood up, patting Fili's knee affectionately before she left. "Get your rest. I'll be back later to bring you two something to eat. Kili should be able to manage some broth by then."

Fili nodded and sank back onto the bed in exhaustion. Now all he needed to do was think about how he would possibly be able to get his stubborn brother to apologize to Thorin of his own will. He had a feeling it was going to be a lot harder than he thought.

* * *

_Several more days passed_, and Kili got better and better. Fili was glad to see it, and watched him get out of bed, even though he wasn't allowed to do so quite yet. Once Kili's fever had broken, he was well on his way to recovery, and though he was still tired, his injuries had never been horribly severe, and he was able to get about normally at least, even if he was a little stiff. Thus he took it upon himself to take care of his brother. Fili was glad of this, for it gave him plenty of time to talk to Kili. First he just discussed normal things, then began to ease slowly into the topic of what had happened to them on the mountain. The first time he tried it, Kili clammed up and instantly tried to change the subject, causing Fili to understand that he really did remember what had happened, and his continued ignoring of Thorin proved that he still hadn't forgotten his coldness toward their uncle either. Fili tried not to get frustrated with his younger brother, but it was so hard when he would not even discuss anything.

Finally one night as they were laying down to sleep—Kili still refused to sleep in his own bed, but Fili didn't really mind for now, knowing how important his closeness was to his brother at the moment—he decided to go out on a limb and broach the subject again.

"Kili," he said quietly and his brother turned around from where he had been sleeping with his back pressed against Fili's side.

"What, Fi?" he asked, not sounding tired at all.

"I was talking to Uncle Thorin today," he said, instantly seeing Kili stiffen at the mention of his name. He had thought it out and decided this was the best approach. "He's worried about you. He says you've been unnaturally quiet, and I know that's not true, because I have to put up with you all the time."

Kili shrugged, but there was an underlying darkness to his words. "Maybe I just don't have anything to say to him."

"You know Uncle Thorin saved both our lives, right?" Fili asked quietly.

"Dwalin got us off the mountain," Kili replied technically.

Fili shook his head. "We wouldn't have lasted that long without Uncle to care for us, Ki. You know that. I don't see why you have to be so cold to him."

Kili groaned and sat up, resting his face in his hands. "Fi, you don't understand do you? You just don't get it!"

"You know what, Kili? I don't think you do either," Fili said, suddenly stern, sitting up with a slight wince and gripping his little brother's shoulder tightly. "You were fevered and not in your right mind, and I think you blew something way out of proportion. I don't know where or how Thorin became the villain of it, but somehow that happened, and you failed to see what he really did."

"He hurt you, Fi," Kili said in a quiet voice, but it sounded confused. "I-I saw him, I'm sure. You were screaming and his hands were covered in blood…"

"Kili, he was treating my wound, he_ saved my life_," Fili said insistently, shaking his brother slightly and forcing him to look up at him. "Don't you see that, Kili? I would have died if Uncle Thorin hadn't taken that arrow out and burned the wound closed, I would have died, do you understand?"

Kili suddenly, breathed out sharply and jerked away from his brother, burying his face in his knees. "I just don't know what to think, Fili! My mind is so confused right now. I can't remember what was real and what I dreamed. Can you help me?"

The look Kili turned to him, nearly broke his heart, but Fili knew that he could not allow himself to help Kili. Besides, he didn't remember everything. Not like Thorin did. He shook his head. "No, Ki, I can't. But you can talk to Uncle Thorin."

Kili blanched slightly, but Fili insisted. "Go now, while you are thinking of it before he goes to bed. Go talk to him. He will be able to help you sort things out. I promise."

"Fi…" Kili began, but Fili gave him an insistent push.

"Go Kili!" he said.

Kili just stared at him for a few minutes and then slid off the bed and crossed to the door. He passed through the quiet house down the hall and stood in front of his uncle's door. He was shaking so hard, he could barely stand. He raised a fist to knock, but hesitated. But then he recalled the uncharacteristic melancholy on Thorin's face of late, and how insistent Fili had been. Maybe he had been wrong the whole time. Maybe he was going crazy. In any case, talking to Thorin couldn't make it worse, could it?

He raised his hand decisively and knocked.

* * *

_Thorin was pulling off his _tunic and sitting on the side of the bed to take off his boots when the knock came on the door. Thinking it was Dis, he called out for her to come in.

The door opened and he was surprised to see not his sister, but his dark haired nephew standing there in the doorway, looking anxious and wringing his hands, looking like he was going to bolt any minute.

"Kili," Thorin said, unable to hide his surprise. "Do you need something?"

Kili hesitated, then seemed to steel himself, closing the door behind him and walking over to stand against the wall opposite Thorin, not taking the chair that Thorin waved him to.

"I need to know what happened," Kili said. "Exactly what happened. Because I can't remember…" his voice faltered and he swallowed hard before he was able to continue. "And all I can think of is you hurting Fili. And I need to know if that's true, because that's all I remember and I don't want to any more."

"Kili," Thorin said softly. "You know I would never hurt you or your brother."

"I thought I did!" Kili cried, fisting his hands in the hem of his shirt as he tried to get hold of his emotions. "That's why I need to talk because I thought that might not be true. I don't know what happened to me. Fili says the fever contorted my mind, but I need to know for sure, so please." He met Thorin's eyes then, for the first time without hatred for days and Thorin's heart melted, coming out in a sigh.

"All right, Kili," he said. "I will tell you what happened if that is what you want to know. First off, yes, I did have to hurt Fili, but it was only for the sake of healing. I had to get the arrow out, remember?" Kili nodded and he continued. "But you remember that the head had broken off and so I had to-to dig for it." Thorin winced just thinking of the surgery again. He had never wanted to relive this, but if it would help Kili, then he would suffer through it. Kili cringed, his head hanging, but he nodded again. Thorin took a deep breath before he continued. "It was hard to get out, you had to hold him down."

"You put my hand over his mouth," Kili said suddenly, his voice wavering, but still holding some steel.

Thorin closed his eyes, a tear sliding from one as he did so, bowing his head. "I couldn't hear him scream, Kili. I was weak, and I couldn't stand it, it was too horrible. I am so sorry for that; I never would have done it but…I don't know what came over me. I wasn't thinking."

Kili was silent, breathing heavily as he worked up his courage to ask the next question. "And the brand? You wouldn't let me go to him, you—you told me to stay…"

"I didn't want you to go through it again, Kili," Thorin told him. "I had to burn the wound closed because he kept ripping his stitches in his fevered dreams, remember?"

Kili took another shuddering breath and finally looked back up at Thorin, his lip trembling. Thorin ached to grab the boy and hold him tight, but not yet. Kili would come to him.

"I tried to go for help," Kili said. "But you found me. I was angry. I—I think I might have wanted to die with Fili." This last was whispered in horror as Kili remembered what he had been feeling. Thorin felt a chill go up his spine.

"You were fevered and hurt," Thorin said gently. You can't have known what you were doing."

"The things I said," Kili shook his head, his face crumpling as he choked on a sob. "Oh Mahal, I hit you." He sobbed again, his breath hitching painfully against his still-healing ribs. "And it was all my fault to begin with. My bloody arrow. Not you, Uncle, you only were trying to keep Fili alive."

"No, Kili, not you," Thorin said, shaking his head. He was about to stand up and take Kili in his arms anyway, when the young dwarf stepped toward him and crumpled to his knees at Thorin's feet, sobbing. He rested his head against Thorin's knee.

"I'm so sorry, Uncle!" he sobbed. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I should never have said those things. I just—I didn't see what you were going through too. I was only so worried for Fili. I—I don't know what I am anymore!" He shuddered with broken sobs, and Thorin's hand found its way into his matted hair. He leaned over and drew Kili's face up until he cupped it with both hands.

"Kili, you have no need to apologize, but I forgive you for everything you did. I never thought that you meant it. I just wanted you to be okay. Now can you forgive everything _I_ put you and your brother through? Though I do not know how something of the nature can be forgiven."

Kili pushed his face forward against Thorin's stomach and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I forgive you, Uncle," he cried. "You're the only father I have, I couldn't stand thinking those things of you. And I won't ever again."

Thorin gently put his arms around Kili shoulders and slid from the bed onto the floor, resting his back against the side of the bed and finally taking Kili and pulling him against his chest, smoothing the hair, and rubbing his hands soothingly down Kili's back. Kili snuggled closer, still hiccupping with sobs, as he sought the one comfort he had denied himself for so long. That of forgiveness, but even more so, forgiveness that came in the form of his uncle's strong embrace, that seemed able to chase away his chill and his fears as it always had for as long as he could remember.

Thorin shed plenty of his own tears and all the time never let go of Kili. He knew he would pay for it in the morning, but he was too tired and too relieved to care. He simply held his nephew until he fell asleep after the relief of the tears that he finally allowed to flow and then drifted off himself, not having the heart to move.

It was an hour or two later that Dis came to see why Kili was not in his room and found her son and her brother still curled up together, resting against Thorin's bed. She stopped and had to admire the picture for several long moments, as a tear slid down her face. Though Kili's face was tearstained, as well as her brother's, they both held an expression of peace that she had not seen on either of them for too long. She grabbed the blanket from Thorin's bed and tucked it around them before she left again, not wanting to disturb their peace that had finally come at long last.


	12. Chapter 12

**Well this is the last chapter! I hope you have all enjoyed it! This was a hard story to write, so I can imagine it was also hard to read in parts, but thank you so much for sticking with me, so I am giving you all extra brotherly fluff to enjoy. And again, thanks for all your support, and reviews and favs! Always means so much!**

Chapter Twelve

"Uncle is actually going to let us go to the forge with him today," Kili said with a grin as he rummaged through the drawer for a clean shirt. "I'm so glad, he's finally allowing us out of the house again; I'm so tired of being laid up."

"Me too," Fili replied with a fond smile. "Toss me my green tunic will you?"

"Here you go!" Kili said and threw the balled up garment at him, which he caught neatly. He shrugged off his nightshirt with a slight wince. His side still pained him a bit when he lifted his arms over his head or bent over, but it was healing. He knew his uncle wasn't going to let him do any heavy lifting at the forge that bay, but he could work the bellows, and that was still better than being cooped up here like he had for almost three weeks.

Kili turned around just as he had taken his shirt off and he didn't miss the pained expression his younger brother still showed at the sight of the knotted scar right under his ribs on his right side.

He suppressed a sigh. Things had definitely gotten better than they were the first few days back home. After Kili's fever had broken and he had reconciled with Uncle Thorin, things had almost gone back to normal, but there was still a certain fear that he caught underlying in Kili when his little brother thought no one was looking. Kili had finally started sleeping in his own bed again, but Fili noticed that he always slept facing Fili even though he knew his ribs must still hurt sleeping on that side all night. No, it wouldn't go away that easily; Fili knew that, Kili knew that, and so did their mother and Uncle Thorin. At least they could pretend though, and that was better than nothing.

But still, Fili felt that perhaps Kili hadn't completely forgiven himself. He hoped he had, but Fili knew his brother better than anyone, and knew how bad he always felt after doing something he shoulder, and even though this had been an accident, he knew how bad Kili had felt for the fact that Fili's wound had been caused by his arrow, and that—while Fili didn't want to really think about it—the truth of the matter was that he had almost died from the wound. He knew how he would feel if their roles had been reversed, and so he knew that Kili was still suffering a bit even though he did his best to hide it from everyone.

He shrugged his shirt on and sat down on the side of his bed decidedly. "Come here, little brother."

Kili turned and looked at him with a slight frown, but came over. "What, Fi?"

"Sit down," Fili said, grabbing his arm and tugging him down beside him. Kili sat, looking uncomfortable. He had never liked being 'talked to' and he knew from the tone Fili used that that was what was about to happen.

"Fili, I don't…" he started, but Fili shook his head, cutting him off.

"No, just let me say something," the blond dwarf said, positioning himself so that he was facing his brother. He took Kili's shoulders firmly and pulled him around to look at him.

"I know you're still beating yourself up about this, and it's time to stop," he said firmly. Kili opened his mouth, but Fili didn't let him protest. "No, just let me speak. I can't stand to see my little brother as dreary for my sake. I'm going to end this now. It was an accident, pure and simple, it could have easily been the other way around and you know it. So please, Ki, let's not do this anymore. I can't stand it when you blame yourself for things, especially when they concern me."

"I was just so afraid to lose you," Kili said quietly, looking earnestly into Fili's eyes. "Just the thought…it terrified me. And to think I had had something to do with it…" He dunked his head and Fili tugged him closer and held him tightly against his chest.

"Hey, you're not going to lose me that easy, Ki," he whispered into the top of his head. He ducked down to look into Kili's face and then said, "I forgive you, you know. I'm sorry because that's what I should have said before. I was just more concerned that you forgive uncle, but, I think I should forgive you too. Will that make it better? You know I don't blame you one bit for what happened, but even so, I forgive you, just like I forgave Uncle what he had to do to save me. Are we good now?"

Kili looked up at him, blinking tears from his eyes. "You forgive me?"

"Of course, Ki," Fili said, taking his face between his hands with a genuine smile. "When have I ever not?"

Kili sighed and then smiled too, suddenly flinging his arms around Fili. "Okay, as long as you forgive me, I'll—I'll try to forgive myself."

"No, you _will,"_ Fili said with no uncertain terms.

"Okay, I will," Kili replied and something seemed to lift from his face and Fili was so glad to see it go. He gave his brother one last hug and stood to finish dressing.

"Come on, Ki, Uncle will be ready to leave soon."

Kili nodded and hopped off of the bed, grabbing his own tunic. Fili watched him fondly, breathing a deep relieved sigh. He began to feel that everything was finally back to normal again, and though everything they had gone through had been horrible and frightening, he knew that because of it, he and Kili would only be stronger. And that, after all, wasn't such a bad thing.

Sometimes, he thought as they went to find Uncle Thorin, nightmares can have a good ending too.

**I've got another story in the works, a Thorin/OC romance set before the Fall of Erebor. It might be a couple weeks before I start posting it though. I will try to post a couple one shots in that time, though I'm not sure if they will all be Hobbit related. I've got a few hanging around for other fandoms so we'll see. But you can definitely expect a Thorin romance in the future :) **


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